EVERYBODY PAUSE! No, I do not want to know about activities that wouldn’t make it into a PG film. Firstly, that would be awkward! Secondly, what you do in the comfort of your home with your spouse isn’t my business. Thirdly…EW!!!!
I shall re-phrase: Have you ever been so deeply in love, with a person of the opposite sex, that you think a small part of the reason your heart beats, is so you can be with them? Ok, maybe that’s too much, but you get the idea. I’m not talking about the butterflies you get when good looking people cross your path. I don’t mean the joy that washes over you when you realise that you’ve clicked with someone, and it could potentially turn into something that makes all the people who aren’t in relationships, (I’m a permanent member of this club), want to find ‘their other half’.
“Ever been in love?” Well, I for one can answer no. We don’t have enough time to talk about my boy issues (in a nutshell I’m awkward and probably have a slight complex). Pretty certain I’m not in this club alone. I’m even going to hedge a bet that most people reading will have answered no. (Congrats for all you who answered ‘yes’, if you still are in love, I hope it’s a long happy relationship that turns into marriage and produces beautiful babies). For those of who you answered no, just humour me while I briefly live out my dream of becoming a psychologist for the day. I’d like you to take a moment to ponder: ‘How do you feel about that?
I’ll go first.
Up until this year I was scared. Not scared enough to start joining Christian dating sites advertised on the tube (let me know if that works, anyone who’s tried). I was so mildly scared I didn’t even realise the fear. But it was there.Constantly. Since I first learned what marriage meant I’ve had this niggling question that rears its head every now and again and gives me a fright:
What if I NEVER get married?
Growing up in a land where “I can’t believe your single” is woven in amongst the variety of chat up lines that don’t deserve reactions, eventually you start to wonder…
‘Why AM I single?’
‘Am I SUPPOSED to be in a relationship?’
There’s only so long you can blame singleness on the lack of viable male candidates, before you start questioning your part to play in the issue.
I should probably say now that by the end of this post, you will not have gained a magic tip to securing the spouse. Sorry! What I want to address is the constant desire to be in a relationship. Before you start hurling scriptures at me I’m one step ahead of ya!
He that finds a wife, finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22
Despite contrary belief, this scripture justifies wanting to meet someone and do the whole love thing, it however, in NO way ,justifies an insatiable desire to have a ring put on it, at all costs. The Bible speaks of a plethora of blessings and great things that we should claim i.e wisdom, peace, provision. Why is it that we’ve placed such a high value on tying the knot that it consumes our thoughts and we won’t feel fulfilled if we stay single?
Disclaimer: I haven’t become so bitter about being alone that I want everyone to live a life of singledom and ready meals for one.
All I want is for you to think about why it is, that you want the things you desire? My fear came from a place of wanting to be taken care of. Not in a gold-digger-esque fashion. I just wanted to be looked after, and made to feel special. I imagine it’s nice knowing that someone loves you.
Everything changed this year when I realised that I was scared about not getting married because I didn’t think there was any other way I could have these experiences.
Being taken care of, feeling special, knowing that I’m loved, didn’t seem quite within my reach if not attached to a six-footed, blessed with good teeth, man. Suddenly the penny dropped. I want all these things, but I have God. I lift my hands on a Sunday and open my mouth to sing that Christ is enough for me and yet do I really believe it?
I’ll admit, I do look forward to one day jumping on-board #Team Married, but that desire has stopped coming from a place of NEEDING completion. If I never get married then so what? (No babies, no white dress, but so?) I always tell God, if I’m never rich that’s ok. If I never get to work in my dream job, that’s ok. As long as I have you Lord, I am more than ok. If Christ is enough for you, you won’t need a mere human to feel loved and special and whole.
You will never be that person left on the shelf, because Christ chose you first. He loved you first and died for you before you could even say I love you too.
I might never get wed, but I’ll have lived having the best relationship known to mankind.
(permanently sober) Dani X