I won’t begin with statistics of how many marriages end in divorce. Partly because we all know it’s pretty dire, but mostly because, for a second, I lose all will to fall in love, and the whole getting married thing is a prerequisite for the football team worth of babies that I really want to have. So I will not scare you with facts, but I will ask, have you ever stopped to wonder why? Like most changes in social trends there’s a plethora of reasons (plethora is one of my all time fave words) to be explored.
1) Love is rocky
In the words of Shakespeare ‘The course of true love never did run smooth.’ As much as I don’t want to agree (the idea that being in love is perfectly blissful is a much nicer one to buy into) Shakespeare has a point. The fantasy of love at first sight, which leads to a sublime marriage, and no lovers tiffs is just that: a fantasy. In the real world that we all have to live in, two lucky individuals (
or not so lucky depending how you look at it) find each other, fall in love, say things unknowingly ( and knowingly) to make the other sad, lie, cheat, and break each others hearts, whilst hoping the other will forgive them. Sean and Blu Cantrell describe a typical relationship for some in the song ‘Breathe’.
So what’s that supposed to be about baby
Gall free up ya vibe and stop actin crazy
Reminisce ‘pon all the good times daily
Why you try pull that got me actin shady
The mere fact that the good times have to reminisced upon show that relationships aren’t just one long good time. Inevitably there are bad times and it’s usually in the midst of these that people tend to break ties with their loved one.
2) Love isn’t enough
If I had a pound for every time one actor says to another ‘I love you..BUT..’ in a film, I’d be a very rich girl. There’s an agreed consensus in this day and age that love just isn’t enough for a relationship. I’m pretty sure that’s a line from a song but I’m not ‘down with the kids’ enough to know which one. Anyhoos as Whitney would say ‘what’s love got to do with it?!’ People claim to love us but they hurt us. People claim to love us but they disappoint us and make us question if we ever really knew them. We claim to love others but we just can’t live with them. Sound familiar? People fall in love with people that aren’t good for them and then get into a battle of head versus heart where their minds are telling them no but their bodies are singing from a completely different hymn sheet.
All we do is make up
Then break up
Why don’t we wake up
We may be in love with someone but we can’t continue in a yo-yo relationship that’s permanently in flux so what choice do we have but to end things?
3) Love is temporary
In my opinion, belief in the above statement single-handedly destroys relationships.
When love hurts
It won’t work
Maybe we need some time alone
We need to let it breathe
This verse says a lot about our attitudes towards love. The most clear message is that when you smell trouble, it probably means things are all going kaput. We’ve taken this mindset to all new heights with the invention of pre-nups. Now we’re planning our get-out clause in preparation for the unseen trouble that is to come. It’s completely ludicrous that people enter into marriages, declaring to each other unity till death do them part, after signing a contract that ensures all their assets are protected in the event that lies or unfaithfulness or jealousy does them part. Complete and absolute madness. We don’t believe love lasts forever to the extent that we start to anticipate it’s failure
It’s a lot of doom and gloom, I apologise, but where do our perceptions of love leave us regarding our own marriages? How do we expect the marriage we’re currently in to last if all the above statements are true?
I hear you say, what do you mean by currently, I don’t remember having walked down the aisle and having said ‘I do’. Well let me refresh your memory. The minute you accepted Jesus to be your Lord and Saviour, you became a part of the ‘Church’ and Jesus is quite literally married to the church (John 3:29). We are surrounded by divorce and the breaking down of relationships, so how do we expect our relationship with God to fare in light of all this?
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:7-8.
From a worldly perspective, love has a lot of bad reviews, but from God’s perspective, love conquers all of the cons associated with it. This shows that we can’t allow the world’s perspective to speak louder than God’s word on the matter. If we let ourselves believe that love is temporary we can easily begin to justify the pattern of drifting and coming back or, in the words of Blu, ‘making and breaking up’ with God.
“We can’t expect consistency because love just doesn’t work like that.”
Believing that love isn’t everlasting also allows us to start thinking that bad things are happening to us because God has stopped loving us. Another complete lie. We cannot decide that because the love humans show to each other doesn’t reflect the way God intended love to be that this t the worlds portrayal of love is therefore the right one. Christ is THE truth and so other ‘truths’ must bow when faced with what God has to say. So folks, this means our marriage with Christ doesn’t have to go down the unfortunate path of the growing number of marriages that end in divorce. God’s love for us is steadfast. Can we say the same about our love for him?
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or sword?… No in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us Romans 8:35&37
God has given us unconditional love so why are we fickle with him? Sometimes we’re going to go through hard times, or wish that God had a different plan for our lives, or wonder why God didn’t intervene in a situation but that doesn’t give us grounds for a divorce.
Grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with an undying love.
Love you lots and lots,
(You’ve probably figured out a pattern. Love, lyrics , and life. Hope you’re enjoying our first series. There are so many misconceptions about love we thought it only right to find out God’s perception. Feel free to suggest topics for our next series!)