Why I Had Daddy Issues


daddy issues

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when I say ‘daddy issues’?

We think of a poor girl who is so disillusioned with her father/ [figure] that she seeks love in all the wrong places and works up a name for herself. The phrase is chucked around so frequently that it’s almost funny to attribute people’s behaviour to their lack of father, or unhealthy relationship with him. Haven’t you ever wondered if boys have ‘daddy issues’ Or if woman over the age of 30 still have ‘daddy issues’? What would you say if I said most of you reading the article have symptoms of these issues?

When I was eleven I decided to start taking Jesus seriously. It was a bit of an adventure. I remember opening my bible (of my own accord for the very first time) and waiting excitedly for what  I would learn that day. It was pretty amazing and the first thing I learnt was not to worry. I absolutely loved the new carefree Dani that was staring back at me in the mirror. No longer could the woes of life turn my stomach and have me break a sweat as the knot in my belly got tighter and tighter. The new me had a  ‘don’t worry be happy’ well a ‘don’t worry God’s in control, cast your blessings if you know what’s good for you’ kind of attitude. Then I hit a stumbling block. I was learning more about God and was fascinated by the things I found until I realised that he wanted me to see him differently.. To me God was a God of wrath, or war, a guy you should fear, and not get too comfortable living in sin whilst you served, because one day he would snap and damn you to an eternity in the fiery furnace. But this ‘new God’,  was more than war, he was a loving God, a friend, a parent.

Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God- children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God. John 1:12

God wanted to be my father and I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel.  Fathers in this generation get so much bad press, I’m not about to jump on the band wagon of persecution, however I will point out that many of us either personally experience, or know someone who has experienced what it likes to have an absent father . So many people have ‘complicated’ relationships with their fathers, that, seeing God as a father doesn’t cause warm and fuzzy feelings to wash over them. As I closed my Bible that day the lasting thought in my mind were ‘If God wants to be my father, where does that leave me?’

Would you like to know what I did?

I gave God the benefit of the doubt.

I was at a loss when it came to adjectives describing fathers, so I let God reveal what he really made fathers to be. If you’re struggling seeing God as a father because of who you know fathers to be, then please read below

Fathers are responsibility dodgers providers:

So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Mathew 6:31-33

One thing I learnt this year: you may receive money from your mum, student loan, an inheritance fund, your salary, but God is your ultimate source.

Fathers are forgotten forgiving:

The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.  Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate.  For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate. Luke 15:21-24

The parable of the Prodigal Son always gets me. We spend so much time dilly-dallying upon our return to the father when we sin, but we should follow the son’s example in the story and hurry back because God is waiting for us with open arms

Fathers are selfish make sacrifices:

He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?  Romans 8:32

There’s such power in this scripture. God didn’t spare his own son before we became his children, in the hope that we might accept his love. I don’t know what’s more touching than that.

Fathers are short-sighted visionaries:

The word of the Lord came to me, saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew[a] you,  before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. Jeremiah 1:4-5

We are destined for greatness, and owe that all to our father in Heaven above

Fathers love their children:

We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19

This is Christianity in a nutshell.

So often we project the faults and misgivings of humans onto how we think God will behave. God tells us to trust him, but humans have let us down, so we feel that God may do the same. Or, God tells us that he heals the broken-hearted, but we can’t get over the last time we were heartbroken by someone out of our minds, long enough, to believe that God would do the opposite of man. We fall into the trap of seeing God as a king, and being able to revere him, but not feeling comfortable enough to have a chat with him about our day, or ask for forgiveness without fear of being thrown out of the Kingdom of God. God tells us he’s a father, and then shows us through his word, just what kind of father he is. How can you trust that these claims are true when we have so much contradictory evidence of fathers that we can see every day in the flesh?

God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfil? Numbers 23:19

Your Earthly father may not live up to half of the truths above but that’s where God comes in. God is your heavenly father and he’s here to continue where your Earthly father left off. I actually have three dads (way to long a story to begin this far into a post) but even if God the Father is your only father, you have something to rejoice about, because fathers are a waste of space, nothing but sperm donors, distant memories, emotional baggage, people to be treasured.

Love you with sugar and spice and everything nice Dani xxxxxx

2 thoughts on “Why I Had Daddy Issues”

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