The Day I Went Completely Blind

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If one more person asks me what I want to do with my life I may just have to go into hiding. (It’s either that or start a fight and seeing as I’ve never had a fight in my 21 years of living, hibernation seems the safest option). Firstly It’s a really unfair question, why would I be any closer to figuring out life just because I’ve graduated?! Secondly, it’s rather intrusive, why do you want to know my 5 year plan, what ideas are you trying to steal? And lastly it’s really unbelievably annoying. Every time someone asks I pause and take a slow steady breath as I figure out how to best put ‘I haven’t the foggiest clue’ in the most creative way. I used to offer, “I see myself in strategy in the distant future”, or “ultimately I’d like to consult charities”, but now I’ve given up trying to convince people that I know what I’m doing and reply with “something that pays my bills” until the other person changes the subject. Shoot me for not having direction but I really am tired of pretending to know where God is taking me.

When I was running my own life A.K.A the time before I met Christ, I could tell you exactly what I wanted to be, but one day I gave it all up (decided to follow Jesus) and the clear path in front of me went from being a fuzzy haze to a pitch black hole. When I was 11 I started to lose my sight, and here’s my version of the benefits of living blindly.

1)You don’t always have a clear sense of direction

I was one of those children that could tell you exactly how their life would pan out if everything went according to plan. From the age I was going to go to drama school, to landing my first major role, I could even tell you when I was going to get married and let having children interrupt my thriving career. Then I gave my life to God and my tune slowly changed. It went from adding ‘God willing’ at the end of sentences about my plans for the future to, actually asking God for life direction to letting God plan my day. I’d wake up having agreed to spend time with particular people or honour invitations to events and when I’d lay my day before God to see what he’d got planned his response was something along the lines of “oh you thought you were going to be doing x, y, and z today… lol nahhhh”.

Now when people ask me where I see myself in 5 years time I want to reply, God hasn’t shown me that far ahead, and be done with the questioning. I think there’s a thin line between waiting to hear what God has to say on a matter and using waiting on God as an excuse for being lazy but we can’t let that put us off seeking God’s face daily.

2)You have around 0% control

Have you ever played that game where people are in pairs, one person is wearing a blindfold and the seeing person has to lead the blind one to a destination with just the sound of their voice? If so then you know what it’s like to live according to what God is saying via the Holy Spirit. No matter how tired the blindfolded person is of following and how much they want to be in control, it would make no sense for them to start giving directions. I think we forget that God can see the future because when he’s telling us to turn left, even though we’re busy wearing our blindfolds and so can’t actually see what would be best for us, we decide to chip in and convince God that we should be turning right.

The amount of times I’ve ignored God because what he was saying seemed illogical and then after realising that he was right had to repent, I’ve given up thinking I know better than Him. ( I know, why would I even think that in that in the first place?!?!) What you lose in control, you gain in the certainty that God knows what’s best.

For I know what I have planned for you,’ says the Lord . ‘I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11

3) You’re forced to live by faith and not by sight

So there’s pros and cons to living blindly but even when things seem like cons as points 1&2 do, the overall result of living blindly which trumps everything is that: You become completely dependent on God. When you’ve stopped relying on what your eyes can see and started listening to God’s voice it doesn’t make sense to stop listening half way through the directions and decide you can do it yourself. I think it’s because we have such tendencies to take over that God doesn’t reveal every step of the journey before we begin. Knowing us we’d assume we knew better despite the blindfold we’re wearing. Of course everyone likes direction and feeling like they’re in control of their own lives, but handing the keys over to God and sitting in the passenger seat mean you’re being taken care of by the king of kings, lord of Lords, creator of the whole world, alpha and omega who can see your whole life and wants what’s best for you.

And the Lord said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
And Moses said to him, “If your presence does not go with us, do not take us up from here.Exodus 33:14-15

Moses didn’t want to go anywhere where God wasn’t going to be and we can learn a lot from that. For some of us, the way we make decisions is by asking “how much money will it make me” or “what are the chances of receiving an opportunity like this again“, but what about asking God what he wants? Nobody wants to end up half way down a path and realise that they’ve gone in the opposite direction from God’s plan.

Following God does feel a bit like you’ve lost all sense of the vision you once had but what you gain is so much more than the pleasure of knowing where you’re going: knowing that God is with you.

Love ya like yam and corned beef stew

Dani xxxx

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