The Day I Realised God Was Not Enough

repentance-shame

I’m not quite sure when I decided to take my relationship with God seriously. I wish I could pinpoint the exact moment but my awful memory would never allow for such an accurate collection of a meaningful and life-changing event. Heck, I got baptised two (?) months ago and I’ve completely forgotten the date (I want to write it down because my sister said it’s my new birthday – HOW CAN I NOT KNOW MY OWN BIRTHDAY?). Fortunately, I remember why I began to take God seriously. Yes, I had grown up in a Christian home (blah, blah, blah) but it was the church that I attended whilst at university (shoutout to AUDACIOUS!) that propelled me into my faith. Every Sunday the preacher would reveal aspects of God that I had previously been unaware of and it made me want to dig deeper so I sought Christian literature, sermons and the likes in order to increase my knowledge of my beautiful and awesome God.

The nature of my previous job was such that I was able to decide what time I would rise and start my day. Even though I could have slept in for hours, I chose to arise at 6am every day and spend time with God for at least two hours. I would wake up, worship for 30 minutes, read the Bible for 30 minutes, read a Christian book and then go into a deep time of conversation (prayer). I never felt tired and I never felt bored – I didn’t even fall asleep during the prayer section of my Christian workout. The growth I experienced was exponential because the more I learnt about God, the more I realised how much I didn’t know about Him which caused me to want to know even more about Him. It was a beautifully, visicous cycle which contributed massively to the young woman you see read today.

Then Life Happened.

When I say life happened, I don’t mean some life-changing event occurred (well, a few did but whatever). All that really changed were the demands on my time. I was working late and waking up early and I couldn’t spend hours face down on the floor pouring my heart out to God because I had an 7.40am train to catch that would leave regardless of whether I was seated on it or not. Waking up to pray became a chore because sleep had to be sacrificed. Yeah, God sacrificed His son for me but to spare 30mins of extra sleep every morning was apparently out of the question. No longer did I spend two hours praying, instead I began to read my Bible on the train. Unfortunately my train journey wasn’t long enough to really get into anything so our time together was over before it begun.

I set a couple of goals last week that would have at least ensured that I prayed before I leapt out of my bed but the implementation of these goals was feeble at best. My awesome God who I once could not get enough of had been moved down my list of priorities. I got out of bed and started my day without thanking the One that had woken me up. On some days, I even read short devotional via the Christian apps on my phone instead of reaching for the Word itself because there just ‘wasn’t enough time’.

I was really challenged yesterday afternoon. God didn’t send a special angel to let me know that I was getting it wrong and it happened so subtly I could have missed it. I was walking down the road on my way to the *I can’t remember where so insert a destination here* and I took my phone out of my pocket and thought “let me call Dani and tell her about…” As I began to dial, I thought:

Have you told God the things you are about to tell Dani?

….No

Even though I was on my Christian apps, scanning the scripture and tweeting away in the mornings, my non-stop communication with Him that had ceased. God had stopped being enough for me. I hadn’t told God how I was feeling that day and all the rapid changes that my life was undergoing. At the beginning of this year, God was enough for me, He was all I had, all I wanted and all I felt I would ever need. Fast forward nine months and I was reaching for my phone before I had even considered reaching for Him. As this truth washed over me, I put my phone away and spoke to God. I told Him my news. I told Him about every moment, every fear, and every joy – I told Him everything.

Some people say it isn’t how long you spend with God but the quality of the time you spend with Him that is most important. There is some truth in that belief– if your prayers last hours but your words are empty and your heart is cold, of course the quality over quantity rule applies. However, if God has become an afterthought, if your time with Him rarely exceeds 5 minutes a day and yet you claim to love Him with all of your heart, mind and soul (Matthew 22:37) then it may be time to go back to the drawing board.

Don’t worry; I’m there too.

All my love,

Joy xxx

4 thoughts on “The Day I Realised God Was Not Enough”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s