Yesterday I realised I have an addiction. Not the life-threatening, go to weekly meetings sort, but definitely the take a step back and re-evaluate kind. You may not have heard of it(that’ll be because I’m self diagnosed and coined the name myself) but I have need-to-plan-for-the-future-so-spend-every-waking-moment-creating-a-master-plan-for my-life-itis.
I pretty much have a plan for everything. I have my plan A, plan B, and I’ve even planned some “spontaneous” things to do along the way. I can’t claim to see the future but I have a rough idea of how I’d like life to pan out and so I spend all my spare time ironing out a comprehensive plan of how I’m going to make it happen.
I’m the sort of person that can plan the interior of my future dining room in my dream house before I’ve even started saving for a mortgage. Sounding a little crazy? Well I agree but we all have ‘our things’ (the weird things about us that people love us despite of) and this is mine. Alongside 90% of the female population I’ve had an image of my dream wedding, concluded the names of 3 of my children, and envisaged my wedding proposal, before I left secondary school. I guess that’s pretty normal but it becomes a problem when I start spending every spare thought ‘planning for the future.’
I think it makes me feel safe.
Seemed harmless enough until I realised that I’d forgotten all about God. It’s easy to like the idea of God being in control of your life, but actually relaxing in that is a different story.
Yesterday I realised that I had stopped seeking God and started taking my life into my own hands.
But above all pursue his kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33
It’s easier to focus on everything but God, but that doesn’t make it wiser. We have to let go and let God. (Yes easier said than done, but we have to try).