Why I Stopped Nearly Having Sex


I like to live life on the edge. I don’t know what it is about the adrenaline rush that has me handing in coursework (worth a third of my grade, don’t know what I was thinking at university) one minute before the deadline, but every deadline I make the same-must-submit earlier-promises and every time I break them.

I even do it with crossing the road, although I really have met my match on that; I cannot count the amount of times the Boyf has dragged me across the road in front of a double decker, or some other towering motor vehicle, big enough to shatter all my bones at the point of collision. It’s like I get a buzz having just made it. Could have died but I didn’t=huge sense of achievement, (how twisted is that?!) It’s also the cause of my procrastination; I can never seem to motivate myself to do something unless I have given myself a deadline that I can somersault to meet.

Somehow I always end up rushing and somehow I always make it, (hence the lack of forcing myself to change), but today I’ve decided to hang up my adrenaline junkie lifestyle and get serious about staying well within the boundaries that have been set. I can play around with work tasks (don’t take this too seriously possible future employers, I really am as hardworking as it says on my cover letter) but I have to stop living life with “just made it” as the mantra for my walk with Christ.

Some things are just not worth the risk.

Nothing bad has happened yet so you can exhale. Today I just realised that if I carry on skating so close to the edge, one day I might just fall off, and that long way down which results in everything blowing up in my face, might just not be worth the risk.

I am in the ‘no sex before marriage, actually trying to prevent premature virginity loss’ camp. It’s been a camp I joined right when I gave my life to Christ, but one that I used to be significantly more serious about renewing my membership for. No, I haven’t had sex but like all things in my life, I’m no newbie to skating ultra close to the edge. Then I read my bible (something I really should be reflecting on more often) and was slapped in the face with all kinds of conviction.

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. (‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭3‬ NIV)

I read this and suddenly all that pride I had acquired from team ‘waiting for the ring’ turned to disappointment at the big hint I had been ignoring. I was proud about something that God was simply expecting. You know when you don’t get credit at work because you’re simply doing your job? Yeah, that. Worse still, I realised that I hadn’t even been doing my job.

‘Not a hint’ means exactly what it says. Not a whiff, not an iota, absolutely nothing to speak about when the topic of sex comes up and you aren’t married. All of this skating close to the edge was a sin in itself. I knew clearly what to avoid and yet I wasn’t being proactive because I felt as long as there was no actual two becoming one going on, I was safe.

I was wrong.

Could you be too?

We all know which hints we’ve chosen to ignore: extended hug- pretty cosy, hand sliding up leg- needs to be: put back in pocket, guys/ slapped away girls . We can’t bury our heads in the sand and wait for the dreaded day when the risk doesn’t not give us the payoff we’ve been hoping for.

From this day forward I’m intending to live a life well away from the edge of the boundaries Christ has set me. And while I’m at it, I’m going to attempt only crossing at green men.

Love you like pounded yam and egusi soup

Dani xxxxx

5 thoughts on “Why I Stopped Nearly Having Sex”

    1. Hi David,

      This article was focusing on the grey area between celibacy and sex. I hope it gave some insight into some of the issues we as young Christians in relationships face. Thank you for reading. Dani & Joy xx

    1. That’s a good question and also quite tricky. I think kissing that doesn’t lead to sexual thoughts and acts and lust is fine, but of course that kind of kissing is easier said than done. I think we all know what we personally need to avoid in order to not have a hint of sexual immorality but I think that will differ for each person. Xxx

  1. Love, love this post. It’s hard though! Steering clear altogether, after living perpetually on the edge, is soooooo hard. But this is encouragement to stay on the bandwagon!

    Keep on keeping on!

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