Where Did I Go Wrong?

                                        There’s this problem that I have been contemplating ; the feeling that I would be okay with God even though I didn’t pray or seek him.
I had this deluded mentality that if I did commit a sin, it was fine irrespective of the fact that I didn’t pray to God, didn’t read my bible and didn’t walk right with God. To me, it was okay to sin because I know he is a God of mercy, a God of everlasting love, he is a helping God, a God of compassion and salvation. I knew that once “I surrendered to Him and asked for forgiveness, he would forgive me” (Psalm 32:5).I felt, since I could still feel God’s presence around me, it was okay. I was okay. Life was okay. But was I really okay? No I wasn’t.
What I failed to realise was the sheer depth of the hole I was digging myself into. Not until one occasion; when a friend asked me a question and my tongue slipped so easily into plentiful delusional lies. As I was speaking to my friend and these lies were spiralling out of my mouth I couldn’t help but remember what James 3:6 says:

“The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell”.

I was dumbfounded as it slowly dawned on me that I was losing my existence of who I was in Christ. It was suddenly clear how simply, not speaking to God, made me an easy target to fall into sin and temptations and become victim of the devils handiwork. I was entering the gates of darkness.
Hence the question… Where did I go wrong?
Most people do not realise that sin grows. Sin does not change however. It grows and manifests itself in different forms. As people our biggest sin; is the sin of distrusting God’s picture of us, a picture which is not pretty to make it our version of beautiful.
We are prone to think higher of ourselves than we ought to. We like to think that we are making it even though we sin, and that God’s prefect law is being met by our little effort. But these are false thoughts, delusions of grandeur that we use to disfigure our relationship with God. It is a fact that once we become stagnant and think more of ourselves than we really are. We stop living, breathing and worshipping Jesus’s gospel of grace.
Apostle Paul when speaking to the Corinthians in Romans 6:1 says “Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of his wonderful grace?. 

We are fortunate to have a God that cares for us irrespective of what we do. So we shouldn’t be afraid to move closer to Him, read our bibles and pray daily.
Love Esther xxx

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