Why I’ve Stopped Living In Denial

  
Have you ever woken up and realised that you’re not worn out because you didn’t get enough sleep, or because you’ve spent too many hours at the gym, but because your mind has been thinking of a thousand problems at once and each one remains unsolved?

This is how problems generally work in my life:

1. I realise problem ‘x’ exists 

2. I rack my brain to produce a plan a, scrap plan b, only to conclude plans l-m-n-o and p won’t work either

3. I think about giving ‘x’ to God to resolve but I haven’t touched base with him in so long I’m uncertain he’s able to make it better

4. I stress-well actually I secretly stress. I go on through life as normal and try and push problem x to the furthest point in my mind whilst my subconscious brain continues to think of solutions, and decide those solutions won’t work, so thinks of some more in a hopeless cycle 

5. I despair

6. I run back to Jesus. I don’t even care if he fixes things, I just want to be living under his wing, trusting that he’ll give me the strength to feel at peace in the midst of whatever storm has been raining on my parade.

Reading that, you’d wonder why I didn’t just run back to Jesus in the first place. Why try to figure things out on your own when you know you’re going to find your senses and come back to God in the end? There is a reason. Actually in fairness, there are many reasons, but they all begin with one…

I will tell you a secret. Not many people know what I’m about to share so brace yourself. I am quite proud. Not in the sense that I think I’m better than people, I’m just confident in my abilities to the extent that I rarely (every bone in my body fights against) ask for help. I might even think the person offering to help would do a better job than I could but I’m too proud to admit that, and the mere thought that I could do it myself even if it does take me twice as long, means all help is rejected and the thought of asking for it is ludicrous. I know what you’re thinking- 

“Even when the person your asking is God?!”
 Yes.

So this has been one of those weeks. I know I can’t possibly solve all the issues life has presented me with, but I hate to admit defeat so much, I have ran away, instead of toward the God that can make it all better. I’m not saying God is a wizard, he’s definitely not a genie in a bottle that grants all of your wishes, but he does give you the ability to overcome every kink and disruption to this journey of life. 

Today I admit defeat. I admit that I need God and that life is only worth living when it revolves around him. I haven’t the energy to keep running away so I’ll stop.

Cast your burdens unto Jesus for he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

When you give your problems to Jesus, it’s not that they immediately disappear and life returns to perfection, but that weight from constantly trying to find a solution is lifted, along with all of the stress it brought. Nobody said being a Christian would be a breeze, but Jesus said my yoke is easy and my burden is light

If you, like me, woke up realising you had been trying to fight a war all by yourself, take the best advice you’ll ever get. Give all  your worries to Jesus, who cares for you and wants you to be free. The stress just isn’t worth it.

Love y’all 
Dani xx

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