Before two people decide to embark on a relationship together, there are a few questions that are usually asked. I wish I could be bothered to list some of these all-important questions, but it’s been a long weekend so I’m just going to jump straight into the most frequently and universally asked question:
Does he like me?
I unintentionally cringed while typing the above question. It’s a needy one, right? One you never really ask the object of your affections but instead have endless conversations with your bestie about. Hours, guys, we spend hours thinking about this question, trying to assess your behaviour, reading between the lines in order to figure out what you really mean. Imagine how quickly things would come together (or fall apart) if we just asked him the question? Ah, but where’s the fun in that? Never mind, let’s just keep overthinking.
In all seriousness, it is a hard question to ask. The moment one asks, “Do you like me?” a host of conclusions can be erroneously drawn. Suddenly, you’re eager, needy, insecure and clingy, and nobody wants to be seen as anything other than strong and in control. Most of us fear vulnerability, often overlooking the power that can be experienced in our most vulnerable moments.
I can’t, in good faith, encourage you to ask your love interest this formidable question. Why? Because I wouldn’t. It would be wrong of me to encourage you, beautiful lady, to ask a man a question I wouldn’t dream of asking (even though it has its benefits). What I can do is point you in the direction of various signs that he may not like you much at all. He might think you’re cool, he might even think you’re beautiful, but if he’s ticking the boxes below, start running in the opposite direction, knowing that you’re saving yourself from potential heartache.
Disclaimer: I thought of these signs at 6am this morning, so feel free to throw them out of the window. I, however, would encourage you to take note as they as based on years of research (okay, not really).
- He never calls you.
I mean, never. He rarely texts you first and in the event that he does, his replies are inconsistent and vague. Also if he does call, it’s always after hours (because we all know what that means), or if he hollers, he’s always on his way home from somewhere else. Girl……
- You never see each other
If plans aren’t initiated by you, they don’t happen. This is a warning sign because all the guys I know are pro-active. They want something, they go and get I t. They don’t want something, they make excuses. If he’s never asked “So when can we meet up?” or rarely tries to make plans with you, then girl…….
- You’ve never met his friends
This isn’t too problematic, but I still consider it to be a warning sign. If you’ve been ‘talking’ for a while and he hasn’t brought you around his people, it’s time to throw him the side-eye. I’m a bit of a lone ranger, but there are times when my friends meet each other. Important people in my life tend to cross paths. Those that aren’t important aren’t mentioned and are rarely brought around the inner circle. Also, if you are brought around his friends and they look at you vaguely/don’t seem to have even heard your name before, then girl……
- He talks to other girls
I’m literally rolling my eyes as I type this, but my experience with guys has taught me that most have an insatiable desire to speak to multiple women at once. Is it ego? Is it insecurity? I’m not sure. All I know is that some married men even struggle to show loyalty to one woman. How annoying. If you are in the ‘getting-to-know-you’/’I-think-we-are-a-thing-but-it-might-still-be-in-my-head’ stage and he’s talking to multiple girls unapologetically, even going so far as to mention them to you, then girl…..
- He’s told you
I’m rolling my eyes again, but this time, it’s at our actions as women. Why don’t we listen sometimes? A man will tell us what he doesn’t want, it might even be crystal clear, but we linger in the background, hoping and waiting for the tide to turn. Isn’t this insanity? If he’s told you he doesn’t want you, leave. No questions asked. No crying (in front of him). Wish him well and delete his number; you should never, ever have to convince someone to love you.
The thing that struck me most when writing/thinking about this article was the hours I’ve spent obsessing over crushes, sometimes in very (very) hopeless circumstances. The love and admiration wasn’t mutual but the overthinking created a moment in time where things would suddenly come together. Imagine if I’d spent that time doing something productive?
As the year draws to a close, I’m forced to face the good and bad decisions I’ve made and the consequences these decisions have had. Imagine if I’d spent more time with the One who is completely and utterly ‘into’ me instead of thinking on those who, in reality, were not?
Last Sunday, in Church, I apologised to God for my lack commitment and faithfulness; for wavering, for being inconsistent; for being hung up on things and people who made me question my worth instead of clinging to Him, the One who continuously affirms me. It was a humbling moment.
I can’t tell you to approach your crush and ask him about his feelings , but I can remind you that you are loved; that you are wanted and longed for. I can encourage you to ask Him questions and I promise you that the answers, in whichever form they come in, have the power to change the course of your life.
All my love,