Well, hello there! Happy New Year and all that good, good stuff.
I hope the beginning of the year has been eventful; a little strange, altogether wonderful and completely in line with how you intended it to be. If it hasn’t, don’t worry; you still have approximately 359 days (I think, my maths is dreadful) to turn it around and become all the things you said you wanted to be.
2015 was (tries to remember the year; they go so quickly these days) an interesting year. It was monumental for many reasons; a lot of ‘firsts’ took place in my life. I grew as a person and, in growing up, I realised that there was much more to do and much more to become. What a humbling experience it is to recognise your potential but also grasp the gulf between where you are, where you could be and where those around you are heading.
2015 wasn’t all roses, growth and the like; there were periods of darkness, of intense sadness, where my faith was tested, my heart was broken and life became a dull, spinning wheel which, to be quite frank, I wanted out of. That’s not to say I wanted to jump off of a bridge, but there were moments where I didn’t feel alive; where life had become a mundane activity, mediocre and (ironically) lifeless.
In these waves of darkness, the notion that life is full of peaks and troughs, rife with ups and downs, was crystallised. No season is permanent, so while there is sun, bask in it; when the rain comes, get out your umbrella and keep walking. If the umbrella breaks, use your hood and if you don’t have a coat, run through the rain as best you can. Whatever you do, don’t stop walking because there will be always be sun. I feel like bursting into a Glee song after writing this paragraph.
As the title suggests, there are some things that weren’t privileged enough to ride on with me into 2016. Here are a few:
I bet you read that in that weird way people are saying it nowadays. If you didn’t, where have you been?! This weird phenomenon took place last year where it became okay to share your heart’s desires (in the form of pictures) with your social networks. Pictures of couples, babies, holidays, outfits and the like were shared with the caption ‘GOALS!’
Abeg, make we stop that this year.
There is no problem with having goals but I think constantly comparing where I was with where the people in the pictures were was harmful. Obviously, I think sharing the goals with EVERYBODY is weird too (I never did), but for me, the most important thing is being content with the progress I’ve made thus far in my life, but also taking steps to where I would like to be. Tweeting a picture of strangers without putting the work in makes the picture a wish, not a goal.
- Bad food
I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this on the blog before, but I am allergic to all the food most people enjoy. I am not exaggerating. The story of how I came to be this way is a blogpost in itself (one I will probably never write) but the conclusion of the story is that I should stay away from the food I love that hates me. Did I do that in 2015? Of course not. I’m hoping to have more self-control (generally, not just in this area) and stop eating the foods that make me sick.
- Ill-fitted clothes
No more buying a size 20/XL because my size isn’t in stock but I don’t feel as though I can live without the item.
Also, to all my beautiful ladies/men out there who buy bigger clothes in order to feel more comfortable and to walk past the mirror without cringing as I once did: push back against the unattainable standard of beauty that exists. You may not feel as though your body is perfect but it is yours. If you need to work out, start. If you want to eat clean, do that! But please stop shaming your body; you’re worth so much more that.
- Spending time with people that I don’t want to spend time with
I will no longer spend money meeting up with people I’m indifferent about seeing. It is unfair to you, me, my time and my bank account.
- Saying yes when I really want to say no.
I found myself doing 384793467 at once last year because I instinctively say ‘yes’ when I am asked to do something. I want to help everyone but in helping everyone do everything, I found myself burnt out and unable to stand due to exhaustion. My best friend taught me last year that is okay to say ‘no’ and it is okay to admit that ‘I can’t’. What a wonderful lesson.
- Being reduced to my mistakes
No longer will I allow others to make my mistakes representative of my character and no longer will I do the same to others.
Although this is last on my list, it is the most important. Last year, my faith was up, down, all around, fluctuating from week to week. I don’t want that this year.
Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
This verse is my mantra. I am seeking in the hope of finding and reading in the hope of learning. I want to be more. I want my relationship with God to be more.
What did you leave behind in 2015?
Let me know!