1. I don’t have my eye on a potential bae
2. I haven’t been friend-zoned… well not recently anyway *insert awkward sympathetic stare*
What I am about to share is all a little bit awkward but hopefully this post will help you to avoid the same predicaments I found myself in numerous times in the past. I was stupidly doing the same thing while wondering why I was getting the same results.
At the age of 16-21 I was the go-getter type who went after what I wanted, determined to get exactly that in a variety of areas in my life- my career, my education – oh! And guys. I wanted what I wanted and sometimes I got just that, but other times it didn’t quite work out how I imagined.
This is how the journey of living in the friend zone began ….
I remember in one case I was 16 and I bought this guy I liked in school a rose, a box of chocolates and wrote him a note for Valentine’s Day. I spent money I didn’t have to let this guy know I liked him, you would have thought we were in a relationship because of the immense thought and effort I put into it. We were friends but not really. I was simply crushing over a guy and wasn’t afraid to let him or other people know. The verdict though – Friend zone.
Then there was another guy about 2 years later who I really liked from school and was convinced he was bae and I made the effort of getting myself noticed by everyday. Making sure I knew his timetable at school so I could ‘accidentally’ bump into him and say hi. This wasn’t enough however, I felt like it wasn’t getting me anywhere, so I went to the extent of getting his phone number from a friend of a friend of a friend, called him repeatedly and asked him to the cinema. Verdict – Friend zone.
Despite my failure, I wasn’t going to give up my go-getter attitude. Soon enough I found myself in a similar situation as I got slightly older when I met a guy who I was totally convinced was MINE! We were close friends at the time and I expressed to him my true, inner, deep-down feelings because I felt like if I didn’t, I might just explode. This time the knock back wasn’t so bad, he even respected my honesty, but the verdict was the same – FRIEND ZONE!!!
They say third time’s a charm, and in a way I consider myself lucky enough not to be caught up in that situation since I reached twenty. Having had the chance to reflect I can see there was a pattern to my behaviour which was causing me to be dwell in the friend zone. I was too PUSHY. If I liked a guy I’d semi-stalk him around school, track down his number, call him all the time, buy him gifts and tell him how I felt.
I didn’t really consider whether the feelings were mutual because in my world, as long as I told him, he would realise his feelings for me and we would live happily ever after because I was going to get exactly what I wanted, right?!
Oh, so wrong
Unsurprisingly, using these methods never worked out. If like me you are finding yourself constantly being put in the Friend zone. Here are 3 potential reasons why:
1. You’re too pushy
Fine you like them… but give them some space! Don’t bombard them with phone calls or text messages if its still early days + you’re still trying to figure it all out.
People need space, they need time to think, show your interest but don’t be suffocating. Who wants to feel suffocated in their relationship anyway? If anything this will call for an immediate friend-zoning
2. Don’t be a weird crazy stalker
This could work for some people, in some strange town, some might find it quite attractive or flattering to know a girl is after them, but in most situations, you’re going to end up either scaring the man in question or receiving a court order in the post. Don’t be that person that has to scare them into having an interest in you because chances are you’d be lucky if you ended up in a place as friendly as the Friendzone.
3. You’re waaaaay too fast
I found that in the past a key mistake I made was being too quick to pour out my feelings/ not really getting a feel of the other persons potential interest. I always went straight in for the kill without thinking of the potential consequences.
Get a feel of the other person vibe because you’ll get an idea of when it’s right to let your intentions or feeling be known or whether you should forever hold your peace.
I’m not a relationship guru, all of these tips can/should be applied to how we approach life. You can want something so bad that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to get it but have you considered that you’re banging against a door that God has purposely shut? We live in a world that encourages being a go getter, but as Christians if we aren’t going after what God has got in store for us are mission is futile. Finally, that thing that we’re chafing after might be exactly God’s plan for us, but can we honestly say we have the patience for it all to happen in God’s timing. They say throw caution to the wind but I say live as you plan to fall, with all the confidence and caution in the world, not running ahead of yourself and not assuming you will get what you want just because you want it.
Im no expert, I’m just a girl who has made quite a few crazy mistakes in the past willing to share what I’ve learned. Someone out there might like the pushy, stalker, moving too fast type, but for me, it has just never worked.