So if you didn’t know, it was National Boyfriend Day this week. Isn’t it crazy how they make national days for whatever they feel like these days? I mean, why do we need a National Boyfriend Day? Is Valentine’s Day not enough? I feel like it’s another day, another way, to make single people look upon their lives with a mixture of horror, confusion and dissatisfaction.
Ironically, I didn’t see many couples celebrating this day (perhaps because it completely redundant and most people in relationships are miserable anyway- I jest, I jest) but I did see a very many people on my Twitter timeline lamenting about their single status.
Do I blame them? Of course not. From birth, our whole lives seemed to be geared towards this one moment: finding a spouse and experiencing our happily ever afters. Fortunately, because of the rise of womanhood and female empowerment, society (legally) allows me to be other things other than a wife and mother. Despite this, women who choose to remain unmarried, who enjoy their singlehood or may not want to have children, are looked upon as foreign specimen, as though refusing to let an unborn child take your body hostage for 9 months is an inconceivable notion.
Now before you ask me whether I am a feminist (I am) or whether I spend my time burning my bras (I wish I could) to symbolise the fall of patriarchy, I want to you hear me out. Wherever women go, there are expectations. At times, we are simply not enough. For example, once you have children (the basic, necessary requirement that should be attained in your lifetime order to be deemed a ‘real’ woman), if you decide to work as well as raise your children, you are frowned upon. Conversely, those who choose to stay at home are also frowned upon. I honestly believe there are unattainable standards held for women, by both men and women.
As a Christian woman, I can testify to the way in which the Church caters for married people above others. I mean, the women’s event at my church next week is about ‘how to cater to your spouse’. My immediate question, once I saw the theme of the event was, ‘What about the single women?’ Then I thought more deeply: What about the widows? Where do the women, who do not have a spouse, go? The answer that I’ve heard my whole life is that they should attend such events so that they can prepare themselves for the one that is inevitably coming.
But what if he doesn’t come?
I know this is a somewhat morbid thought for some of you, and I do apologise if I am ruining your lifelong parade. But what if you waiting for the coming of man who has no intention of finding you? If he doesn’t show up, are you somehow lesser? Incomplete? A failure?
No, you are not.
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
My interpretation of this verse, on that dark and dreary Tuesday morning, when I felt as though I had nothing more to give (because work is crazy at the moment!), was that I still have an amazing journey to embark upon, one that can stand outside of other people, outside of work, full of hope, with a glorious end where I meet the one who died for me, the one who loves me unconditionally, the one who wants nothing but good for me, the one who wants to mould me and bring about His will in my life – whatever that may look like.
My advice to all my singletons out there is to keep your gaze fixed on Jesus: there is no love greater than the one he bestows on you daily and there is no other man that can carry the weight of your expectations. God who knows your heart’s desires and desires for you to know His also. I truly believe that once that becomes enough for you, all that you long for will be given to you.
All my love (and please forgive us for our writing hiatus),
P.S: Before I forget, I celebrated National Boyfriend Day by not celebrating it at all. Sorry if you’re disappointed.