Tag Archives: direction

The Day I Went Completely Blind

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If one more person asks me what I want to do with my life I may just have to go into hiding. (It’s either that or start a fight and seeing as I’ve never had a fight in my 21 years of living, hibernation seems the safest option). Firstly It’s a really unfair question, why would I be any closer to figuring out life just because I’ve graduated?! Secondly, it’s rather intrusive, why do you want to know my 5 year plan, what ideas are you trying to steal? And lastly it’s really unbelievably annoying. Every time someone asks I pause and take a slow steady breath as I figure out how to best put ‘I haven’t the foggiest clue’ in the most creative way. I used to offer, “I see myself in strategy in the distant future”, or “ultimately I’d like to consult charities”, but now I’ve given up trying to convince people that I know what I’m doing and reply with “something that pays my bills” until the other person changes the subject. Shoot me for not having direction but I really am tired of pretending to know where God is taking me.

When I was running my own life A.K.A the time before I met Christ, I could tell you exactly what I wanted to be, but one day I gave it all up (decided to follow Jesus) and the clear path in front of me went from being a fuzzy haze to a pitch black hole. When I was 11 I started to lose my sight, and here’s my version of the benefits of living blindly.

1)You don’t always have a clear sense of direction

I was one of those children that could tell you exactly how their life would pan out if everything went according to plan. From the age I was going to go to drama school, to landing my first major role, I could even tell you when I was going to get married and let having children interrupt my thriving career. Then I gave my life to God and my tune slowly changed. It went from adding ‘God willing’ at the end of sentences about my plans for the future to, actually asking God for life direction to letting God plan my day. I’d wake up having agreed to spend time with particular people or honour invitations to events and when I’d lay my day before God to see what he’d got planned his response was something along the lines of “oh you thought you were going to be doing x, y, and z today… lol nahhhh”.

Now when people ask me where I see myself in 5 years time I want to reply, God hasn’t shown me that far ahead, and be done with the questioning. I think there’s a thin line between waiting to hear what God has to say on a matter and using waiting on God as an excuse for being lazy but we can’t let that put us off seeking God’s face daily.

2)You have around 0% control

Have you ever played that game where people are in pairs, one person is wearing a blindfold and the seeing person has to lead the blind one to a destination with just the sound of their voice? If so then you know what it’s like to live according to what God is saying via the Holy Spirit. No matter how tired the blindfolded person is of following and how much they want to be in control, it would make no sense for them to start giving directions. I think we forget that God can see the future because when he’s telling us to turn left, even though we’re busy wearing our blindfolds and so can’t actually see what would be best for us, we decide to chip in and convince God that we should be turning right.

The amount of times I’ve ignored God because what he was saying seemed illogical and then after realising that he was right had to repent, I’ve given up thinking I know better than Him. ( I know, why would I even think that in that in the first place?!?!) What you lose in control, you gain in the certainty that God knows what’s best.

For I know what I have planned for you,’ says the Lord . ‘I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11

3) You’re forced to live by faith and not by sight

So there’s pros and cons to living blindly but even when things seem like cons as points 1&2 do, the overall result of living blindly which trumps everything is that: You become completely dependent on God. When you’ve stopped relying on what your eyes can see and started listening to God’s voice it doesn’t make sense to stop listening half way through the directions and decide you can do it yourself. I think it’s because we have such tendencies to take over that God doesn’t reveal every step of the journey before we begin. Knowing us we’d assume we knew better despite the blindfold we’re wearing. Of course everyone likes direction and feeling like they’re in control of their own lives, but handing the keys over to God and sitting in the passenger seat mean you’re being taken care of by the king of kings, lord of Lords, creator of the whole world, alpha and omega who can see your whole life and wants what’s best for you.

And the Lord said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
And Moses said to him, “If your presence does not go with us, do not take us up from here.Exodus 33:14-15

Moses didn’t want to go anywhere where God wasn’t going to be and we can learn a lot from that. For some of us, the way we make decisions is by asking “how much money will it make me” or “what are the chances of receiving an opportunity like this again“, but what about asking God what he wants? Nobody wants to end up half way down a path and realise that they’ve gone in the opposite direction from God’s plan.

Following God does feel a bit like you’ve lost all sense of the vision you once had but what you gain is so much more than the pleasure of knowing where you’re going: knowing that God is with you.

Love ya like yam and corned beef stew

Dani xxxx

The Day I Fell Off A Cliff

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On the 13th June I took my last ever undergraduate exam and simultaneously made the transition from student to graduate. For those who can relate to the seemingly upward hill struggle that encapsulates undergoing a degree, what comes next is only comparable to free fall. It’s somewhat surreal and yet exhilarating, a rush of excitement as you realise that you never have to take an exam again and a gulp of fear at the thought of having to plan your own future and shape your own destiny. The world is (to some extent) your oyster. As I look back on uni, the highs, the lows, and the in-between series watching and procrastination I am stunned at where God has brought me, and quite frankly who I’ve become.
I’ll give you some back story. When I started Uni I was an aspiring actress with my eyes set on the prize. After years of part-time training and auditions, getting through Uni was the final hurdle that once overcome, would allow me to push for an acting career with full force. Now, as I look towards the expanse of summer months, I’m waiting with baited breath for my banking grad scheme to start in September. Daniela doing a 9-5?! Who would have thought it? Definitely not me! The girl who enrolled in LSE in October 2011 is definitely not the same girl staring back at me in the mirror. Below are the bits and bobs that clumped together and resulted in the woman that writes this post. (Yuck I just called myself a woman, since when did I stop being a little girl who thought there was nothing she couldn’t achieve?!)

I learnt sooooooo much whilst at uni: here are the 3 things my degree didn’t teach me.

1) No man is an island
If you have any preconceptions about the kind of people that go to Russell Group Universities you can rest assure that I had the same ones. I’ve never considered myself to be extremely academic, and matched with my complete disinterest with current affairs, I took it for granted that I’d actually have anything to say to my classmates. I was so wrong. I had convinced myself that I could go through the whole 3 years without making any friends but looking back I don’t know what I’d have done without them. I’m so blessed to have been surrounded with people who hungered after God also, and the bible studies we shared and prayer sessions we conducted carried me through University. I can’t tell you the benefits of being able to tell someone about your problem and their first solution is prayer, but believe me they are plentiful. So often in our walks with Christ we don’t feel like we can completely be ourselves, but having people around you to reaffirm your faith is priceless. Some people think the fact that Jesus jammed (jammed=hung out) with sinners means it’s not necessary to have ¬†Christian friends but don’t forget that the first thing Jesus did was choose his 12 disciples. I’m not saying Christians make better friends but having Christian friends can help you to become a better Christian.

As iron sharpens iron, so a person sharpens his friend

Proverbs 27:17

2) You have to lean to deal with disappointment
First year was a struggle. Most of the pain was self-induced and stemmed from my lack of motivation for the discipline I was studying, but revision season was by far the biggest mountain of the bunch. I don’t think I’ve ever revised as hard in my life as I did in those 10 weeks before exams started. ‘Night shift, day shift, and every hour under the sun shift’ is the best descriptor of my revision timetable. I sacrificed my long-time lover (sleep) in exchange for hours on end with my nose deep in a book from the never-ending reading list. All that work only to scrape a pass. I remember opening my results and being hit with an overwhelming sense of disappointment as it sunk it that I wasn’t the high achieving student I’d always been.

Too often, when things don’t go the way we planned and we’re ready to give up on God in a heartbeat. Even if God promised you the very thing you haven’t received, you have no excuse to turn your back on your Saviour. Your journey with Christ isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. If you’re going to give up every time things don’t go your way, you aren’t going to get very far.

3) God orders your steps
When I was 18 I decided I was going to get ‘plans are made but our steps are ordered’ tattooed on my ribcage. I’m yet to get said tattoo but I can’t profess how much truth is in the scripture that my tatt is based upon. If anyone had told me that I’d give up acting I would have told them to stop cursing me with their negativity and block out the rest of their spiel. Now when people hear that I’m going to work in a bank they think ‘typical lse-er’ or ‘you’re one of those money-hungry types’ but they couldn’t have gotten me more wrong. I’ll tell you more about giving up the dream in a future post, but what I will say now is that, unless God has said it, it isn’t certain, and even when he has spoken, he can change his mind. I’m not saying that God randomly gives us instructions then completely redirects the courses of our lives, just for fun, but that lots of things last only for a season. Don’t ever get so set on something that when God is saying something new, you don’t want to listen.

A person plans his course, but the Lord directs his steps.

Proverbs 16:9

Many times God won’t force his will on you, but when disobedience has landed people in the belly of whales, I think letting God lead the way seems like the wise option.


I can’t tell you how grateful I am to have made it. There were times where I thought I wasn’t capable and other times when I didn’t even want to try but God has had his way. To my everlasting father, I just want to say: thank you.¬†You can learn a lot from your degree but nothing is worth learning without Christ.

Hugs and kisses,

Dani xxxxxxx