Tag Archives: divorce

Why I Considered Divorcing My Husband

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Last week I was given the opportunity to fly out to Madrid with my school. I was asked on Tuesday and we were due to leave the next day which only gave me hours to prepare for the trip. I was excited, in awe of God’s favour (all expenses were paid!) and hoping to learn a few lessons to share with you here. Here are three:

1) Marriage is for life

Oh.

I’m not married.

I’m not even mentally married to a man and secretly hoping he will put a ring on it in the coming months. However, despite my unmarried status, I considered divorcing my husband during the first night as my colleague filled our bedroom with her loud, selfish, insufferable snoring. I wondered if I would ask my husband to sleep in a separate bedroom if he snored as loudly as my colleague. As I considered the different ways to quell the sounds erupting from her nostrils (yes, I considered smothering her, God forgive me) I realised that one day I would be sharing a room with a boy (wahhhhh) and when I eventually marry, there will be things my husband does (even during his sleep) that will make me want to scream. As a lay awake in Madrid, I thought about the different reasons people divorce (what does irreconcilable differences really mean anyway?) I can’t speak on divorce with much authority as I haven’t had the privildege of joining that elite club yet. Despite my inexperience I am almost certain that when people stand before God and their families, declaring their undying love for each other, they genuinely desire to become one and journey through the rest of their lives together. Maybe the importance of the vows they once said take a back seat to their spouses’ insufferable actions; maybe it’s an issue as insignificant as snoring or leaving the toilet seat up, maybe it’s a secret as damaging as an affair or remortgaging the house to fund a sordid addiction. Whatever the reason, divorce is rife, it’s happening daily around the world; people are walking away from the people they once loved with everything.

What would cause you to divorce your spouse?

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud  or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

At 2 a.m, I vowed to be resilient when I finally married, to persevere through whatever we faced, to forgive him when his words and actions hurt my heart, to stay when I’d rather walk away…and to roll him over with love if he snores. Life happens, things don’t always turn out as we plan but I pray that when the time comes, I do not give up on us and that he doesn’t give up on me.

2) Look up or you will miss the moment

As I walked around Real Madrid Football Club, the sun was shining and the place looked amazing. I spent a lot of the earlier part of the tour lost in my thoughts and staring at the floor. About halfway through the tour, I decided to look up and to live in the moment, to inhale it and to put my problems in God’s hands. In my hands, my problems become bigger and they are often mishandled but in God’s hands, they are reshaped, solved and put into perspective.

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God.

Psalm 42:5

3) Things take time

Before we took off, the plane was on the ground for a long time.It moved slowly, positioned itself and readied itself for the next phase. At times it felt as though it was taking too long, as if we’d never get off the ground. Yet when it started going, it moved with such pace and intention that my pupils were filled with awe as it began to rise.

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31

It doesn’t matter how long it takes you to position yourself, how long you have to circle the ground before take off – you will take off. When you do, those that wrote you off will be in awe of heights God is taking you to. You will not grow weary, you will be strong, you will run, you will walk, you will be everything God intended – in His time.

He has made everything beautiful in its time.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

Lots of love guys, have a beautiful and fruitful week!

Joyyy xxxx

Why Am I Still Single?

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I’m not sure whether this has happened to you before, maybe it has, maybe it hasn’t. If it hasn’t, I’m going to to set the scene for you:

 Your friend invites you to a gathering and to your surprise it’s not completely boring – in fact, it’s becoming the best night you’ve had in a long time. Conversation is flowing, everyone is having a great time and then the person you’re talking to you suddenly says:

 You’re so great – why are you still single?!

This startling (and arguably offensive) question reminds you of the not-so-subtle hints and questions you’ve been receiving in what were once safe environments.


It all began the year I graduated from university; I noticed that when the women from my church would pray for me, ‘a god-fearing husband’ was suddenly on the menu of blessings. From that point onwards, I began to notice a shift in other areas; young women I had known for years would drop sentences into our conversations such as ‘so when I get married’, wedding ideas were casually being thrown into discussions and my Facebook newsfeed became an array of engagement rings and relationship status updates.

What was going on? What had I missed?

Let it be known that I had no real problems with weddings (except that they were long and there was rarely enough food for everyone). Even though I wasn’t really sure why people were so excited about marriage (if it was so easy, why were there so many divorces?) my main concern was the assumption that because I was a woman and above the age of 21, I should be seeking a man to settle down with.

There is a deep-rooted cultural and religious belief that we are somehow completed when we meet our life partners and that this is when our lives truly begin but this simply cannot be true. As a Christian, our lives begin the moment we surrender to Christ and true completion can only be found in him. He is the One, our soul mate, our true love – and all those other mushy western concepts.

It is so easy to get sucked into that weird world of ‘waiting’ but before I jumped on the eager-to-be-married-bandwagon, I decided to ask myself a few questions:

 Do I believe I have an individual purpose?

God created me with wants, needs, hopes, dreams and most importantly, a purpose. Now while I believe that some of our purposes can be linked in some way to other individuals, I also believe that if our purpose were completely dependent on another, we would have been born in twos. Since we were not, I am forced to conclude that… wait for it…there are things that we have to accomplish as individuals and certain parts of our journey that we have to walk alone.

Am I lonely?

Loneliness is an issue we don’t really like to talk about because it makes us seem weak, feeble and needy, but it is a state that a lot of us experience – some of us experience it every single day. Every time I am lonely, I begin to question how far I am standing from God. It says in the Bible that God will never leave me (Deuteronomy 31:8) so whenever I feel alone instead of reaching for my iPhone, I do my best to reach out for him because he is always there.

 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

John 15:13

Real, real, real talk: if you are Christian who is constantly jumping from one relationship to another because you desire constant communication and validation, I urge you to look to God; the one that stays and never leaves (Joshua 1:5) and the one that does not forsake (Deuteronomy 31:6). I hope that you will also come to see the finished work of the cross (John 19:30) as your constant source of validation. Remember that there was a man that loved you enough to lay down his life for you in the hope that you would one day come to love and accept him. He loved you even before you could love him. If that doesn’t make you feel just a little bit special, I don’t know what will.

Am I seeking to be the perfect spouse or am I seeking to be like Jesus?

Okay, I get it; you wouldn’t try and sit an exam without revising (unless you’re me and it’s GCSE time) so yes, it is important to prepare yourself for marriage. However, the Bible speaks more on striving to be like Christ than it does about journeying to become the perfect spouse.

For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.

1 Peter 2:21

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Ephesians 5:1-2

Every time I feel like I am getting somewhere with God, I inevitably become complacent; a day will pass where I haven’t set time apart for him or a situation will arise where I respond inappropriately. There is internal work to be done and there should a constant movement towards the person God called me to be because that it my ultimate goal.

Have I forgotten that there is a time for everything?

There is no rush and there is no decree that I must be married by *insert arbitrary age here*

 For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Doing things in my own strength and my own time usually has disastrous consequences. Sometimes I’ve got to shake myself and remember that I am  worth having and that my spouse will be worth the wait.

This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.

Habakkuk 2:3


I know that my stance isn’t a popular one at the moment. I should be telling you to wait patiently in your bedroom praying, hoping that the One somehow finds your address and knocks on your front door but that would be poor advice. There are many other Christian blogs which will detail heavily ‘what to do while you wait’ and that’s great, it really is, I just feel that we have shifted our focus and have begun to idolise marriage. This is deadly  because it will never live up to our expectations or withstand the burden we are placing upon this sacred union. There are many more important things (outside of marriage) to be achieved and seeking God about those things should not be neglected whilst you ‘wait’. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but life revolves around Jesus – he is the One.

Your Single Pringle,

Joy xxxx

Sean Paul Showed Me Why Most Marriages End In Divorce

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I won’t begin with statistics of how many marriages end in divorce. Partly because we all know it’s pretty dire, but mostly because, for a second, I lose all will to fall in love, and the whole getting married thing is a prerequisite for the football team worth of babies that I really want to have. So I will not  scare you with facts, but I will ask, have you ever stopped to wonder why? Like most changes in social trends there’s a plethora of reasons (plethora is one of my all time fave words) to be explored.

1)      Love is rocky

In the words of Shakespeare ‘The course of true love never did run smooth.’ As much as I don’t want to agree (the idea that being in love is perfectly blissful is a much nicer one to buy into) Shakespeare has a point. The fantasy of love at first sight, which leads to a sublime marriage, and no lovers tiffs is just that: a fantasy. In the real world that we all have to live in, two lucky individuals (or not so lucky depending how you look at it) find each other, fall in love, say things unknowingly (and knowingly) to make the other sad, lie, cheat, and break each others hearts, whilst hoping the other will forgive them.  Sean and Blu Cantrell describe a typical relationship for some in the song ‘Breathe’.

So what’s that supposed to be about baby

Gall free up ya vibe and stop actin crazy

Reminisce ‘pon all the good times daily

Why you try pull that got me actin shady

The mere fact that the good times have to reminisced upon show that relationships aren’t just one long good time. Inevitably there are bad times and it’s usually in the midst of these that people tend to break ties with their loved one.

2)      Love isn’t enough

If I had a pound for every time one actor says to another ‘I love you..BUT..’ in a film, I’d be a very rich girl. There’s an agreed consensus in this day and age that love just isn’t enough for a relationship. I’m pretty sure that’s a line from a song but I’m not ‘down with the kids’ enough to know which one. Anyhoos as Whitney would say ‘what’s love got to do with it?!’ People claim to love us but they hurt us. People claim to love us but they disappoint us and make us question if we ever really knew them. We claim to love others but we just can’t live with them. Sound familiar? People fall in love with people that aren’t good for them and then get into a battle of head versus heart where their minds are telling them no but their bodies are singing from a completely different hymn sheet.

All we do is make up

Then break up

Why don’t we wake up

And see

We may be in love with someone but we can’t continue in a yo-yo relationship that’s permanently in flux so what choice do we have but to end things?

3)      Love is temporary

In my opinion, belief in the above statement single-handedly destroys relationships.

When love hurts

It won’t work

Maybe we need some time alone

We need to let it breathe

This verse says a lot about our attitudes towards love. The most clear message is that when you smell trouble, it probably means things are all going kaput. We’ve taken this mindset to all new heights with the invention of pre-nups. Now we’re planning our get-out clause in preparation for the unseen trouble that is to come. It’s completely ludicrous that people enter into marriages, declaring to each other unity  till death do them part, after signing a contract that ensures all their assets are protected in the event that  lies or unfaithfulness or jealousy does them part. Complete and absolute madness. We don’t believe love lasts forever to the extent that we start to anticipate it’s failure

It’s a lot of doom and gloom, I apologise, but where do our perceptions of love leave us regarding our own marriages? How do we expect the marriage we’re currently in to last if all the above statements are true?

I hear you say, what do you mean by currently, I don’t remember having walked down the aisle and having said ‘I do’. Well let me refresh your memory. The minute you accepted Jesus to be your Lord and Saviour, you became a part of the ‘Church’ and Jesus is quite literally married to the church (John 3:29). We are surrounded by divorce and the breaking down of relationships, so how do we expect our relationship with God to fare in light of all this?

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:7-8.

From a worldly perspective, love has a lot of bad reviews, but from God’s perspective, love conquers all of the cons associated with it. This shows that we can’t allow the world’s perspective to speak louder than God’s word on the matter. If we let ourselves believe that love is temporary we can easily begin to justify the pattern of drifting and coming back or, in the words of Blu, ‘making and breaking up’ with God.

“We can’t expect consistency because love just doesn’t work like that.”

Complete lie.

Believing that love isn’t everlasting also allows us to start thinking that bad things are happening to us because God has stopped loving us. Another complete lie. We cannot decide that because the love humans show to each other doesn’t reflect the way God intended love to be that this t the worlds portrayal of love is therefore the right one. Christ is THE truth and so other ‘truths’ must bow when faced with what God has to say. So folks, this means our marriage with Christ doesn’t have to go down the unfortunate path of the growing number of marriages that end in divorce. God’s love for us is steadfast. Can we say the same about our love for him?

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or sword?… No in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us Romans 8:35&37

God has given us unconditional love so why are we fickle with him? Sometimes we’re going to go through hard times, or wish that God had a different plan for our lives, or wonder why God didn’t intervene in a situation but that doesn’t give us grounds for a divorce.

Grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with an undying love.

Ephesians 6:24

Love you lots and lots,

Dani

 

(You’ve probably figured out a pattern. Love, lyrics , and life. Hope you’re enjoying our first series. There are so many misconceptions about love we thought it only right to find out God’s perception. Feel free to suggest topics for our next series!)