Tag Archives: men

Why Am I Still Single?

That-70-s-Show-The-Third-Wheel-4-11-that-70s-show-21402098-1067-800

I’m not sure whether this has happened to you before, maybe it has, maybe it hasn’t. If it hasn’t, I’m going to to set the scene for you:

 Your friend invites you to a gathering and to your surprise it’s not completely boring – in fact, it’s becoming the best night you’ve had in a long time. Conversation is flowing, everyone is having a great time and then the person you’re talking to you suddenly says:

 You’re so great – why are you still single?!

This startling (and arguably offensive) question reminds you of the not-so-subtle hints and questions you’ve been receiving in what were once safe environments.


It all began the year I graduated from university; I noticed that when the women from my church would pray for me, ‘a god-fearing husband’ was suddenly on the menu of blessings. From that point onwards, I began to notice a shift in other areas; young women I had known for years would drop sentences into our conversations such as ‘so when I get married’, wedding ideas were casually being thrown into discussions and my Facebook newsfeed became an array of engagement rings and relationship status updates.

What was going on? What had I missed?

Let it be known that I had no real problems with weddings (except that they were long and there was rarely enough food for everyone). Even though I wasn’t really sure why people were so excited about marriage (if it was so easy, why were there so many divorces?) my main concern was the assumption that because I was a woman and above the age of 21, I should be seeking a man to settle down with.

There is a deep-rooted cultural and religious belief that we are somehow completed when we meet our life partners and that this is when our lives truly begin but this simply cannot be true. As a Christian, our lives begin the moment we surrender to Christ and true completion can only be found in him. He is the One, our soul mate, our true love – and all those other mushy western concepts.

It is so easy to get sucked into that weird world of ‘waiting’ but before I jumped on the eager-to-be-married-bandwagon, I decided to ask myself a few questions:

 Do I believe I have an individual purpose?

God created me with wants, needs, hopes, dreams and most importantly, a purpose. Now while I believe that some of our purposes can be linked in some way to other individuals, I also believe that if our purpose were completely dependent on another, we would have been born in twos. Since we were not, I am forced to conclude that… wait for it…there are things that we have to accomplish as individuals and certain parts of our journey that we have to walk alone.

Am I lonely?

Loneliness is an issue we don’t really like to talk about because it makes us seem weak, feeble and needy, but it is a state that a lot of us experience – some of us experience it every single day. Every time I am lonely, I begin to question how far I am standing from God. It says in the Bible that God will never leave me (Deuteronomy 31:8) so whenever I feel alone instead of reaching for my iPhone, I do my best to reach out for him because he is always there.

 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

John 15:13

Real, real, real talk: if you are Christian who is constantly jumping from one relationship to another because you desire constant communication and validation, I urge you to look to God; the one that stays and never leaves (Joshua 1:5) and the one that does not forsake (Deuteronomy 31:6). I hope that you will also come to see the finished work of the cross (John 19:30) as your constant source of validation. Remember that there was a man that loved you enough to lay down his life for you in the hope that you would one day come to love and accept him. He loved you even before you could love him. If that doesn’t make you feel just a little bit special, I don’t know what will.

Am I seeking to be the perfect spouse or am I seeking to be like Jesus?

Okay, I get it; you wouldn’t try and sit an exam without revising (unless you’re me and it’s GCSE time) so yes, it is important to prepare yourself for marriage. However, the Bible speaks more on striving to be like Christ than it does about journeying to become the perfect spouse.

For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.

1 Peter 2:21

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Ephesians 5:1-2

Every time I feel like I am getting somewhere with God, I inevitably become complacent; a day will pass where I haven’t set time apart for him or a situation will arise where I respond inappropriately. There is internal work to be done and there should a constant movement towards the person God called me to be because that it my ultimate goal.

Have I forgotten that there is a time for everything?

There is no rush and there is no decree that I must be married by *insert arbitrary age here*

 For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Doing things in my own strength and my own time usually has disastrous consequences. Sometimes I’ve got to shake myself and remember that I am  worth having and that my spouse will be worth the wait.

This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.

Habakkuk 2:3


I know that my stance isn’t a popular one at the moment. I should be telling you to wait patiently in your bedroom praying, hoping that the One somehow finds your address and knocks on your front door but that would be poor advice. There are many other Christian blogs which will detail heavily ‘what to do while you wait’ and that’s great, it really is, I just feel that we have shifted our focus and have begun to idolise marriage. This is deadly  because it will never live up to our expectations or withstand the burden we are placing upon this sacred union. There are many more important things (outside of marriage) to be achieved and seeking God about those things should not be neglected whilst you ‘wait’. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but life revolves around Jesus – he is the One.

Your Single Pringle,

Joy xxxx

Events In May

Hair awareness in the Black Community 03/05/14 This event has passed

hair awarenessThis is an event not to be missed! Free Refreshments will be served throughout this event and a Wide Range of Natural Hair Products and accessories will be on Sale. JOIN US, To address the core issues for afro-Caribbean hair , so that you can discover The True You! Remember Your God given hair is your natural beauty, so let us be proud of it. Looking forward to seeing  you!

Famine for the Word Gospel concert 05/05/14 This event has passed

famine for the wordKenny Kenny brings to you: Famine for the Word Gospel Concert
On: Bank holiday Monday 5th may 2014
From: 5pm-10pm
At: Kervan Banqueting Suite
293-303 Fore street, Edmonton, London,N9 0PD

Special international guest artists: Jason Mighty and DJ Nicholas from Jamaica

Don’t miss out!

Family Secrets- Christian stage show 23/05/14-24/05/14 This event has passed

family-secrets-426x285When was the last time you went to see a play? On the surface, the Matthews family seems fine. Ruth is looking to start a family with her husband of four years, Naomi is preparing to marry the man of her dreams and Zach has just graduated from university. But beneath the surface of this happy Christian family lurks a darker reality. Following its successful UK tour in 2011 – 2012, Family Secrets returns to London for another run in May 2014. SVG Productions use drama in an exciting and creative way to address a range of social issues. They produce high quality stage plays that challenge audiences from all walks of life.

The Father Heart of God 24/05/14 This event has passed

father heart of GodHave you ever wondered what God thinks of you? Is it hard for you to believe He loves you as much as the Bible says He does? God is so big and He sometimes seems so distant – but what is He really like? Do you really know Him? You’ve heard His instructions, but do you know anything about His emotions or His character? One of the most wonderful revelations of the Bible is that God is our Father. What do you think of when you hear the word “father”? Do you automatically think of protection, provision, warmth, and tenderness? Or does the word “father” paint different kinds of pictures for you? In this workshop Phil Webb will lead us in exploring the truth about the character of God as Father, and His true heart for His children. This course is a must if you know God’s love in your head, but struggle to receive God’s love in your heart. This is for MEN ONLY

Love in Action 24/05/14 This event has passed

love in actionLove in Action will be a day where Christians who hunger for more of Christ and have a desire to be active in their day-to-day walk with Him, will come together for praise, worship, prayer and open, candid fellowship. Maybe you are at the beginning of your walk with Christ or maybe you have been walking with Him for some time. No matter what your background – even if you are yet to encounter Jesus, Love in Action is for you.

We will discuss the following topics amongst other things:

  • How to develop a relationship with the Father. Know Him, know His heart and know the joys of serving Him
  • Developing a hunger and thirst after the things of God and not only His hand. Women and men who are worshippers.

See you there!

Israel & New Breed  Tour 2014 26/05/14 This event has passed

united praiz 2014Israel and the New Breed are coming to London on their 2014 tour. Israel Houghton is prolific worship leader, musician, songwriter, producer and recording artist. His music ministry has spanned 22 years and includes work on over 50 albums as an artist or producer, 19 awards and countless accolades. In 1995 Houghton formed New Breed Ministries Making an impact by overcoming cultural and denominational barriers, Israel assembled a group of world-class musicians and singers to create a new sound that revolutionized the sound of contemporary praise & worship music. Come and discover why his music is so award-worthy!

Why I Stopped Trusting Men

circle-of-trust

It makes you sick when you see people lie and steal and cheat their way into getting what they want in life. We’re told that it’s dog-eat- dog world but the last time I checked, no-one was barking and cannibalism was still frowned upon. FYI we are not dogs and there is no reason to behave as though we are. Is it true that we’ve got to sell each other down the river just so we can get a little further along the stream? It’s like life is one big competition and it’s not enough for a person to win, they have to see you lose. I guess I should put a disclaimer out now, when I say I’ve stopped trusting men, I’m referring to the genderless man: I have absolutely no trust/faith/belief in mankind (myself included).

I guess it would be interesting to hear about how this one guy broke my heart and how that has put me off all men, but we have bigger things to worry about than my love-life (which is non-existent just in case you were wondering! Jesus is my main squeeze, my side dish and my dessert- for all who were just about to begin a Facebook search to find out about my imaginary mystery men). What really scares me is that we’re living on a planet thriving with Judas Iscariots waiting to sell out their ‘bestie’ and ‘ride or die’ for less than 30p let alone 30 pieces of silver. It’s crazy because we’re all running individual races and yet people are still misguided into thinking that knotting other people’s shoe laces so that they stumble, will help them get ahead.

Newsflash: you won’t win your race because I have lost mine. We aren’t in constant competition. It brings me no pleasure to see you fail, and my success doesn’t make you any more or less of a failure.

The one thing I can remember from P.E (apart from Hockey is really difficult and Rounders isn’t fun unless you’re batting) is that during a race, you have to keep your eyes focused on the finish line. The speed of your neighbour isn’t of concern to you, the ground that you can cover is most important. What’s worrying is that we’ve become so focused on our individual races that we think our lives should revolve solely around pleasing ourselves. Every day on twitter it’s; “do what makes you happy” and “cut out the people who don’t bring you joy,” but what about loving your enemy and helping out those who hate you? We have switched focus from, obeying what God tells us to do, to, focusing on leading a life that brings us ultimate pleasure. What if Jesus had lived by that mantra? What if Jesus hadn’t put his desire to fulfil the will of God above his desire to please his flesh?

While I was reflecting during Easter weekend, I just had to give glory back to God. Jesus was sent to Earth, with a mission and a really important one at that. Jesus was tasked with taking on the sins of the world and offering himself as a sacrifice on behalf of all of us so that we’d have the opportunity to fellowship with him; it would have been catastrophic if he failed.

So often we’re given huge tasks from God, tasks that our bigger than ourselves, and when push comes to shove and it gets painful and the future becomes daunting and we ask God if the cup can pass us over.  Unfortunately some of us fail to emulate Jesus and put God’s will before our own; instead we withdraw into a quiet corner and tell ourselves we wouldn’t have succeeded anyway.

God doesn’t call us to specific tasks because we have great C.Vs  and impressive skill sets, he is giving us the privilege of being a small piece in the masterpiece he’s already created the blueprint for. Being used by God is such an honour and yet we’re so at peace with routinely letting God down, consequentially forgetting about the people that we’re inadvertently letting down by not following through. I don’t trust people because people are fickle. They’re like Judas; with you one minute, and selling you out the next. Promising they will be there one minute, and bailing on you the next.

I’m so grateful that I can put my trust in the only man that’s never let me down. He said he was going to give up his life for the Earth and he came through. He said that he was going to forgive my sins and everyday he comes through. He said that he was going to surround me with his love and everyday he fills my heart with it. He said that he was going to never leave me or forsake me and there’s not a moment when I don’t feel his presence. He said that he was going to wipe away my tears and when I’m weary he gives me rest. He said that he was going to use me to do great things and here I am writing this post.

I serve a God who is so much bigger than me, for who words aren’t enough to capture his unfailing love. I trust God because he said he’d do it and he did it, and if there was take-two, he would do it again.

Psalm 146:3-5

Do not put trust in princes, or in human beings, who cannot deliver. Their life’s breath departs, they return to the ground; on that day their plans die. How blessed is the one whose helper is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God.

Love ya plenty

Dani xxx