Tag Archives: relationship

Sean Paul Showed Me Why Most Marriages End In Divorce


I won’t begin with statistics of how many marriages end in divorce. Partly because we all know it’s pretty dire, but mostly because, for a second, I lose all will to fall in love, and the whole getting married thing is a prerequisite for the football team worth of babies that I really want to have. So I will not  scare you with facts, but I will ask, have you ever stopped to wonder why? Like most changes in social trends there’s a plethora of reasons (plethora is one of my all time fave words) to be explored.

1)      Love is rocky

In the words of Shakespeare ‘The course of true love never did run smooth.’ As much as I don’t want to agree (the idea that being in love is perfectly blissful is a much nicer one to buy into) Shakespeare has a point. The fantasy of love at first sight, which leads to a sublime marriage, and no lovers tiffs is just that: a fantasy. In the real world that we all have to live in, two lucky individuals (or not so lucky depending how you look at it) find each other, fall in love, say things unknowingly (and knowingly) to make the other sad, lie, cheat, and break each others hearts, whilst hoping the other will forgive them.  Sean and Blu Cantrell describe a typical relationship for some in the song ‘Breathe’.

So what’s that supposed to be about baby

Gall free up ya vibe and stop actin crazy

Reminisce ‘pon all the good times daily

Why you try pull that got me actin shady

The mere fact that the good times have to reminisced upon show that relationships aren’t just one long good time. Inevitably there are bad times and it’s usually in the midst of these that people tend to break ties with their loved one.

2)      Love isn’t enough

If I had a pound for every time one actor says to another ‘I love you..BUT..’ in a film, I’d be a very rich girl. There’s an agreed consensus in this day and age that love just isn’t enough for a relationship. I’m pretty sure that’s a line from a song but I’m not ‘down with the kids’ enough to know which one. Anyhoos as Whitney would say ‘what’s love got to do with it?!’ People claim to love us but they hurt us. People claim to love us but they disappoint us and make us question if we ever really knew them. We claim to love others but we just can’t live with them. Sound familiar? People fall in love with people that aren’t good for them and then get into a battle of head versus heart where their minds are telling them no but their bodies are singing from a completely different hymn sheet.

All we do is make up

Then break up

Why don’t we wake up

And see

We may be in love with someone but we can’t continue in a yo-yo relationship that’s permanently in flux so what choice do we have but to end things?

3)      Love is temporary

In my opinion, belief in the above statement single-handedly destroys relationships.

When love hurts

It won’t work

Maybe we need some time alone

We need to let it breathe

This verse says a lot about our attitudes towards love. The most clear message is that when you smell trouble, it probably means things are all going kaput. We’ve taken this mindset to all new heights with the invention of pre-nups. Now we’re planning our get-out clause in preparation for the unseen trouble that is to come. It’s completely ludicrous that people enter into marriages, declaring to each other unity  till death do them part, after signing a contract that ensures all their assets are protected in the event that  lies or unfaithfulness or jealousy does them part. Complete and absolute madness. We don’t believe love lasts forever to the extent that we start to anticipate it’s failure

It’s a lot of doom and gloom, I apologise, but where do our perceptions of love leave us regarding our own marriages? How do we expect the marriage we’re currently in to last if all the above statements are true?

I hear you say, what do you mean by currently, I don’t remember having walked down the aisle and having said ‘I do’. Well let me refresh your memory. The minute you accepted Jesus to be your Lord and Saviour, you became a part of the ‘Church’ and Jesus is quite literally married to the church (John 3:29). We are surrounded by divorce and the breaking down of relationships, so how do we expect our relationship with God to fare in light of all this?

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:7-8.

From a worldly perspective, love has a lot of bad reviews, but from God’s perspective, love conquers all of the cons associated with it. This shows that we can’t allow the world’s perspective to speak louder than God’s word on the matter. If we let ourselves believe that love is temporary we can easily begin to justify the pattern of drifting and coming back or, in the words of Blu, ‘making and breaking up’ with God.

“We can’t expect consistency because love just doesn’t work like that.”

Complete lie.

Believing that love isn’t everlasting also allows us to start thinking that bad things are happening to us because God has stopped loving us. Another complete lie. We cannot decide that because the love humans show to each other doesn’t reflect the way God intended love to be that this t the worlds portrayal of love is therefore the right one. Christ is THE truth and so other ‘truths’ must bow when faced with what God has to say. So folks, this means our marriage with Christ doesn’t have to go down the unfortunate path of the growing number of marriages that end in divorce. God’s love for us is steadfast. Can we say the same about our love for him?

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or sword?… No in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us Romans 8:35&37

God has given us unconditional love so why are we fickle with him? Sometimes we’re going to go through hard times, or wish that God had a different plan for our lives, or wonder why God didn’t intervene in a situation but that doesn’t give us grounds for a divorce.

Grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with an undying love.

Ephesians 6:24

Love you lots and lots,



(You’ve probably figured out a pattern. Love, lyrics , and life. Hope you’re enjoying our first series. There are so many misconceptions about love we thought it only right to find out God’s perception. Feel free to suggest topics for our next series!)

What I Learned After Cheating In My Relationship


I’m not your average cheater. You know that person that has to listen to a long diatribe from Jeremy Kyle about how they don’t deserve the person they’re with and how much their cheating habits disgust him….yeah that’s not me. I’m far from being a saint but cheating is just so out of character for me, that after the… shall we call it…‘brief encounter with polygamy’ (‘affair’ sounds a bit harsh and ‘betrayal’ just too deep) I went on an emotional journey where I learnt lots about myself and about the world.

I suppose you want all the gory details! I do have some shame so you’re just going to have to fill in the gaps but I will give you some background info:

Prior to the ‘brief encounter with polygamy,’ (even I’m starting to feel like cheating is a new cool thing with that title- it totally isn’t) I’d been in an  off and on, mainly on, relationship for a long while. Average puppy love turned intense relationship as puberty came and went and my hormones finally relaxed  long enough for me to decide how I felt about things. That was me: average girl in love. I was happy! When I wasn’t happy, it was the usual breakdown in communication/ misplaced expectations that everyone goes through. What I am trying to say is…

I didn’t have a real reason to cheat.

I know it sounds cliche but one thing actually did lead to another and then BAM, I had made a mistake that filled me with regret. But hey, you didn’t sign up to listen to my sob story, I’ll get on to the useful things I learnt.

1)      Everybody can cheat

I guess this sounds like I’m justifying my actions but I promise you, that isn’t the case. After going through the whole period of regret and confession ( I had to confess; I’m a bad liar, and I knew he’d know what I’d done) I realised that I was wrong to think I was above cheating. I don’t know if I thought I was above cheating  because of the length of my relationship or because of how great the relationship was going at the time, but cheating forced me to wake up and realise that I wasn’t less likely than the next person in a relationship to make such a grave mistake.

2)      Dragging out apologies doesn’t help

So the morning after I had still had that half-sick feeling you get after doing something you regret. I was determined to make it right between us and I vowed to do everything in my power to make up for the day before… but it wasn’t the same. I didn’t know whether to say something or just carry on as normal. I couldn’t just push it under the rug because I wasn’t allowing myself to stop feeling guilty. That’s when I realised I had to address the problem.

3)      Cheating doesn’t mean it’s over

I know what you’re thinking because I’m thinking the same: I didn’t deserve to be in an amazing relationship when I couldn’t even stay faithful. I won’t try and defend myself because you’re right. However as Christians, we are able to enjoy a love we do not deserve every single day. I’m so aware that I don’t deserve the love God gave me when Jesus died on the cross.

Last week I slipped up and for a moment put a priority above God. I deserved punishment but instead he surrounded me with his love when I came to him to ask for forgiveness; I once again realised the true extent of his greatness despite how underserving I am.

I’m sure you’ve figured it out by now: I was cheating on God

We’ve all heard the analogy that John used describing Christ as the bridegroom and the church as His bride. Have you ever thought about what that means in real terms? Here’s what I realised: Amongst all the great things that come with a relationship, there are rules. You know the difference between casually seeing someone and then becoming an item? Now you have categorised your relationship , categories bring boundaries and preconceived rules about what is and isn’t ok. Unless you sign up to this new age logic which states that no-one can be faithful so we should all live in polygamous relationships, you understand the importance of staying faithful. When you entered into the relationship with Christ you committed yourself to him and him alone. We  never think of being married to Christ but it shouldn’t even be too hard to imagine. God is a jealous God. He doesn’t want to share your heart with Tom, Dick and Harry, or,  Coursework, Boyfriend, and Career.Staying faithful to God means keeping him as number one. Everything can have its proper place in your life but nothing else should inhabit your heart the way that God does; nothing else should take his place.

I hope you can learn something from my experience of cheating. You need to invest into relationships to keep them going. Also, in the same way temptation causes people to cheat in human relationships, temptations can cause our eyes to wander from God. From someone who’s been there and done that; it’s not worth it. Nothing and no-one can compare to the love that God gives you. Sin might be sweet for a night but we all have to live through the morning after. Let’s aim to stay faithful, affairs just aren’t worth the scandal.

Love lots DC X