When you are single there is something distastefully sickening about public displays of affection. I’m not just referring to the couples who seem to be trying to fit their partners entire face into their mouths whilst kissing, or even the couples that have kisses so sloppy you can literally see the exchange of saliva between them- we all feel ill watching those couples, and if you know you are in a relationship and are likely to be a perpetrator of the aforementioned crimes then I urge you to stop! I’m referring to when boy whispers something into girl’s ear and she blushes or playfully punches his arm or finds whatever was said so funny tears stream as she struggles to speak through fits of giggles. Or what about those couples walking, arms interlinked, as they walk in silence, the mere fact that they are touching being enough “conversation” to make them content. Or even the lovebirds who stand at chilly bus tops looking eye to chin while boy firmly rubs shivering girl’s arms in an attempt to defrost her slightly. These are the moments that remind singletons of their lack of significant other and cause singles to crave the kind of relationship that makes onlookers coo and ahh. There is nothing intrinsically wrong about wanting to share your life with someone, but before you walk through a door that is harder to walk back out of, there are a few things you should know.
1.Double dates are only as fun as the couple you’re dating
Don’t lie, you have, more than once, thought how much fun it would be if you could go out with ‘x’ and if your friend went out with x’s friend and you could go on all these double dates and hang out together! I have also has this thought. Don’t be fooled, just because you’re sitting next to someone you love, eating opposite people you love, does not mean you are going to have a good time. I have been on a number of dates where I have laughed, chatted and had thoroughly enjoyable evenings but some dates can be just as bad as that date you went on with that guy that you don’t want to talk about and wish you hadn’t gone on. Although sometimes fun, double dates can highlight what you’re missing in your own relationship and there can be points where the date’s tension is so intense, you’ll be racking your brain for any reason to leave early.
2. Boyfs don’t make you feel any warmer in winter.
You may laugh, but if I had a pound for every time I have heard girls half-joke about needing a boyfriend to keep them warm in the winter nights, I would not be working 8:30-6pm. So many of the things that are idealised about relationships are just not true. Yes, having a man may keep you 5 degrees warmer while you’re lazing around or watching TV on the sofa, but for the rest of the 23 hours you have in a day where you are not physically touching your boyfriend, you will be just as cold as the single gals. You do not need a man, you need to turn up the heating, buy a coat, and stop looking for someone else to solve a problem you can fix yourself! People always mock the idea of being an independent woman, as if it’s linked to having an attitude or immature sass but being independent – you’re only dependency being on Jesus Christ – is something to be proud of. Even once you have a boyfriend, your dependency structure shouldn’t change. God isn’t there to do the things your boyfriend can’t do; continue to trust in Christ for all things because he will never disappoint.
3. You will still be lonely
If you’ve ever experienced loneliness, you will know that it is not contingent on the number of people that didn’t come to your birthday. Even being surrounded by a multitude of friends doesn’t necessarily make a difference to that feeling of loneliness. To everyone desiring a boyfriend because they feel alone, you are looking for belonging in the wrong place. Yes, you will have someone to go to lunch, dinners and to the cinema with; someone who will eventually agree to go to your Aunt’s 50th with you, even though it’s set to be a drag; someone who will answer your calls, just to say hello, at odd times, even in the early hours of the morning. That is all nice but you can find all of the above in really good friends. I hear your point that it is very unlikely to find one person willing to do all the above in the same week who isn’t madly in love with you, I’m merely highlighting that having a best friend with bells on, which in my opinion is a good definition of a boyfriend, doesn’t mean your lonely days are extinct. Even your boyfriend that ‘gets’ you like no-one else does will struggle to understand you at times, will not be completely supportive and will sometimes out rightly disagree. They will never be able to fill the lonely gap that we are all occasionally faced with , the desire for someone to understand our every fear, hope, and passion because unlike God they did not create you. That person you’re looking for that is there 24/7 and understands you in your entirety is closer to home than tinder, that looming blind date, and endless social gatherings.
4.They don’t have all the answers
It is refreshing to meet someone that makes you see things differently, who places the life that you’ve always known in front of a different lens, giving you a varied perspective, and that is the one thing I craved when I felt I needed a man. Some people are praying for a carbon copy of themselves, but I was on the lookout for someone different. I’m always eager to learn and discover nuances about life around me, and truly believed meeting that special someone would give me that. If you, like I was, are awaiting Mr ‘I bring something new to the table’ there is nothing wrong with that, as long as you don’t forget there is a fresh perspective at your fingertips in your Bible. It may not contain truths you always want to hear but Gods view is, oh-so-mind- blowingly different to ours, reading your Word will always keep you coming back to hear more of what God has to say. I can’t guarantee you’ll like God’s take on things, but you will be wowed, comforted, and convicted to live a life you are yet to realise you’re missing.
5. Love means sacrifice
There is a honeymoon period in every relationship where you both cant believe how lucky you are to have each other, every moment spent together is bliss, and you can’t believe you had lived [insert number of years] without the other. This time is great. Everything in life seems to be finally falling into place and every possible bubble buster is clouded in the high you are currently existing in. This time is short lived. After a while, you slowly float back to Earth and realise you are going to have to make an effort for your relationship to succeed. Gone are the days where you are aware of your faults yet can’t be bothered to take any action. Your significant other is going to expect you to lay away the old personality imbalances you’ve previously expected people to put up with, and with time, become a person that others actually enjoy being around; because they love you, they will tell you as they see it, and because you love them, you will change. What change requires is that dreaded sacrifice you still fear making as you realise staying the same is not an option. Relationships require persistence and perseverance as you make the sacrifices required of you, and pray you’ve found someone willing to make these same sacrifices for you. You can see how much a person loves you by the extent they go to to put you first. While you’re patiently waiting for the one, remember that one guy already thought you were worth all he had as he gave up his life on the cross.