Tag Archives: submission

The Problem I Had With My Marriage

  

One of my favourite parts of A level sociology was learning of the changing attitudes of women from the 60’s to present day and the affect this had on every aspect of society. With a movement that promoted equality of opportunity, women started to believe there was a career after childbearing and slowly began to see themselves in roles previously reserved for their male counterparts. Before you knew it women were running countries (Margaret Thatcher) running unions (Angela Merkel) and setting world records (Dame Kelly Holmes). You look at a world in which women’s aspirations are not curbed by their gender, well at least not to the extent that existed in the time of our grandmothers and mothers, and you can’t deny that there have been huge change. What hasn’t changed is the representation of women in the Bible and the roles that God’s word promotes we adopt.

The bible states some brow-raising statements that feminists would shun and many Christians struggle to find a modern day interpretation that fits into their understanding of equality between genders.

To list but a few…

‘Women submit to your husbands as you submit to God’
‘A man is the head of his wife’
‘Women are bound to their husbands as long as he lives’

So what is a women to do? You’re Christian and want your marriage to exemplify the teachings of the Bible, but have been brought up believing that women can do just what men can(and sometimes better). How are we supposed to look at our husbands like our bosses and still love them?

Going to marriage counselling caused the inner feminist in me to explode and I had to revisit what I understood God’s overall message to be and the kind of wife I wanted to be. Here are the two conclusions I came to…

Submission doesn’t mean slavery

In God telling us women to submit, he isn’t sentencing us to a life slavery. God is letting us know whilst all opinions are important, when push comes to shove, someone has to have the deciding vote. I know that has made every mild feminist squirm.

Why does that vote have to lay with the husband? 

Why not a mutual vote?

Why ? 

Why? 

Why?!

I want to give you an answer palatable with modern day feminism but the truth of the matter is that, that is the way God intended it to be. And besides, a good leader never assumes their own opinion to be superior to that of others, marrying a man that understands this should mean in essence a mutual vote or a vote that takes into consideration both opinions.

Men have an unequally difficult responsibility 

We read scriptures on submission and fail to consider the mother of all tasks that husbands have been given:

‘Husbands love your wife as Christ loves the church’

Reading that scripture made every seemingly sexist statement click and quietened my inner frustrations. Husbands have to love their wives unconditionally, following the example that Christ sets. God is trying to use marriage as a microcosm of his relationship with us his children. If anyone has had even the shortest of flings with Christ, you will know that we as God’s children have definitely not pulled the short straw, despite the seemingly unbalanced nature of the relationship we have with God which means we live a life not according to our own desires but God’s.

When I think of my own relationship with God, the infrequent effort I put into it, the times I’ve neglected him completely and when I’ve kept committing the same sins because I knew God would forgive me, I can’t believe that God would ever want a relationship with me, let alone tell my husband to stick it out. Loving someone unconditionally is a mammoth task that husbands are burdened with.

So to all my ladies reading

God isn’t subjecting you to a marriage of inequality. 

Marriage is a sacrifice, that women and men have to keep making

If you’re going to have to submit, it doesn’t make sense to marry someone that isn’t submitted to your God- (this deserves a whole other blog post which will land soon)

God loves you unconditionally and doesn’t view you as a second class citizen 

The word husband cannot be exchanged for all men- in the workplace, in your dreams and ambitions, in your friendships, God is your only master

Would love to hear any thoughts you have about gender equality in the Bible
Love you all lots and lots,

Dani xxxxxx

To All My Single Ladies: 5 Steps To Catching A Man 

  
As I decided on this blog title, I thought about all the single men that might be put off having a read, but then my mind wandered to the wise single man who would use this as an opportunity to discover how to get caught, and so the title stuck. 

To everyone who clicked this link in sheer anguish at my audacity in assuming you need a man or even want one, I neither claim to be an expert and nor am I a sexpert, so sorry to everyone who thought they were going to get that kind of advice. 

With Valentine’s Day approaching I can’t help but think back to my oh, so recent single years and the awkward emphasis that this time of year would put on my aloneness. Now as a woman on the verge of diving into the biggest commitment love (or stability, financial security, and fear of being alone) can cause you to make in deciding to marry, I think it’s only fair I comment on my view from the other side. 

They say the grass is always greener but to everyone unconvinced who would really like to be one half of soppy couple number one eating fancy dinners this weekend, or the instigator in couple number two that couldn’t think of anywhere better to spend Valentine’s Day than Paris, please read on. This post is for you.
1. Stop acting like you need one

It is quite hard when you have a life plan that involves marriage and babies to not conclude that if not now, then at some point in the not so distant future, you will need a man. I hear you, and quite frankly I do think marriage and babies would be rather unachievable without one, however like all of our life plans of career success and comfortable lifestyles and all the rest, we need not stress about the how or the when. You don’t need me to tell you that desperation is low down on the attractive scale. Act like you’re completely comfortable as you are-in a long term relationship with God, and over time you’ll start feeling that way. Marriage and babies are nice but nothing can complete you in the way that God can, and so as appealing as another half may seem he will always be a want, not a need.

2.Be the man you want to meet

I know you read that the thought ‘What on earth is Dani talking about?’ I am not suggesting going under the knife to change your gender, but I am encouraging a good hard look in the mirror of your soul to see if you possess the qualities you are looking for in your other half. 

Desiring a man after God’s own heart that’s as caring as he is ambitious is a bit cheeky if you can’t say you emulate your own wish list. So many of us are looking for our better half, we’ve ignored what we could bring to the table in bettering our man. If you want a God-fearing man that’s driven to succeed and loves others with the same passion in which he loves himself, it’s important that you are actively pursuing a close relationship with God, asking him to show you how you can love others better and direct the steps of your career. If you can emulate your wish list when your man comes along you won’t need completing but complementing. What’s more inspiring than two great individuals coming together that are equally great for each other?

3. Start by being in the right place at the right time 

There are countless reasons for not entering into a relationship that I implore you to consider which can usually be routed back to not being in the right headspace to enter into a life-changing relationship. 

Whilst couples post their enviable Instagram pictures of them sipping Piña Coladas on beaches and of their fancy anniversary dinners what they don’t write in the caption below is of the continuous battle to not let their partner creep above God into first place in their hearts, and they don’t have enough space to describe the work it took to keep a smile on their other half’s face. 

Long story short, relationships are hard work and only really make sense to enter when there is an end goal beginning with M and rhyming with carriage. If you’re just after someone to go to the cinema with and to receive the odd bunch of flowers from, you aren’t after a man, just in need of some good friends. When you are ready to enter into long term commitment and are aware of the dragged out battle of resisting sexual sin coupled with the energy it will take for you to have a successful relationship, only then should you make yourself available for Mr Right. He’s not just the right guy for you, he comes at the right time too.

4. Pray for him

It might sound strange to pray for a man you can’t see but we pray for people we haven’t met all the time. Just like the children across seas in need that say a prayer for, your man is alive and kicking, navigating his way through life. 

As his wife you will be his main supporter, (even when you’re not his biggest fan) so why not start as you mean to continue? Once you’re together, you’ll have a long list of things you’d like God to change about him so you can be happy, why not start be praying for God to change the things about him that don’t make God pleased? 

The more prayer you put in now, the less struggle you’ll contend with once he shows up.
5. Let God become your king 

If you cannot submit to an all living caring God, you are going to struggle to submit to a man that is as flawed as you are and is just trying to feel out life, same as you. 

Practise serving your King and and when your earthly king arrives,half of the submission battle will have been won. (I’m aware that the submission topic is a whole post on it’s own, so I won’t say anything more before the feminists with their pitchforks attack!)

To every single gal reading, I hope this post has reminded you that don’t need no man, lol, but on a serious note, you don’t. You are completely complete in Christ and whilst a relationship is a nice addition to one’s life, a life without one is by no means less fulfilling.

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be a depressing season of mourning, why not spend the day with your first love, that way you are guaranteed a good time? 

 Let’s spread the love (of Christ) this weekend and show the world, single, married, in a complicated neither here nor their relationship, that above all Jesus loves them. 
Speak soon,
Dani

P.S. Please feel free to leave a comment and agree/disagree with anything I have to say here to your hearts content. Would genuinely love to hear from you. Xxxx