Tag Archives: surrender

The Day I Became A Fugitive


I am on the run. It’s been about 10 hours since I decided I had to leave and 10 minutes of thinking I should head back. I haven’t done anything worth a lengthy sentence but coming out of hiding would involve a lot of explaining and providing answers to the questions I’d rather avoid.

This post is for all the serial sinners.

It’s weird running away from something and spending the whole journey wanting to turn back in the other direction. You know there’s little consequences for your actions apart from having to go through the genuinely sorry, forgive me Lord, deciding not to do it again, but even that doesn’t seem doable.

Yes, you’re sorry…

Of course you want God’s forgiveness…

But can you honestly say you’ve decided not to do it again?

That’s where the going gets tough.

So you remain on the run. You’ve covered enough distance to continue acting in sin but you haven’t reached the point where you stop caring to surrender. It’s weird because we know that God won’t put us in prison, withholding his love and ending the relationship, but it’s like we would rather he did so we opt for the virtual prison sentence of not feeling free in Christ or bound in sin.

If you’ve ever been caught up in a cycle of the same sin you’ve been there: The uncomfortable middle. You know God, you want his love, but you feel like you can’t serve him so you reject it. Whereas opening your Bible or telling God about your day used to come naturally, now you’re just attending church weekly so everyone else won’t know you’ve gone missing.

And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. (‭Genesis‬ ‭3‬:‭8‬ NKJV)

I remember reading Genesis and laughing at the thought that Adam thought he could ever hide from God, but now I get it. You know you’ve upset the great God you serve and preach about, you just don’t know if you can come into the light, fall slowly to your knees and put your hands above your head in surrender. Not again. Not when you promised to be better the last time and the time before that and even the time before that.

I have one word of advice.

Give up and go back home.

As unfair and unjust as it seems, the prodigal son is a parable for a reason.

There isn’t anything too big to forgive and there isn’t a limit on how many times you can ask. Choose God because no matter how far you run, Gods awesomeness will locate you and you’ll be back on your knees once again.

Take it from someone who knows.

Dani-Ella xxx